Reality bites

Since I began escorting in Tel Aviv a short time ago, I have received a disproportionate amount of positive feedback on my oft-neglected blog. And since my last blog post I have lived in a different country long-term during which time I took a long hiatus, and worked in 2 different cities. So there’s a bit to catch up on.

Though it is definitely not the first hiatus I have taken, it was perhaps the most necessary. Up until I moved from Australia exactly 2 years ago I had been working pretty steadily for years. I had the time and the means to take the odd trip to Hong Kong or Singapore every time Sydney began to feel to quiet. I was doing well, saving for my overseas MA program and living what I now realise was a luxurious lifestyle.

When I say luxury, I mean things like manicures every 2 weeks, hair treatment every 2 weeks, massages twice per month, getting an Uber whenever I needed to get somewhere, being on first-name terms with employees at department stores. Basically, I was in a position where I never had to think about money. It’s a sad irony that the less money one has, the more one thinks about it. The thing I miss most is not having to think about money.

Unfortunately I have never had good spending habits. You know those people who win the lottery and wind up broke less than 5 years later? I’m related to people like that, Beemer parked in the driveway of shit apartment with 2 roommates kind of people.

I am an impulsive person, generally, whether it is a money decision or a major life decision. I have never owned a credit card, and don’t plan to. When I am given a lump sum of money, I pay for as many things as I can up front bills, groceries, dog food, etc. because I’d probably just spend it on shit otherwise. But as for actually ‘putting money away,’ nope, not something I’m well-versed in.

Although I managed to completely fund my overseas living and education by myself, I was never making a strong effort to save for this. I was making that much money that I was easily able to save without adjusting my luxurious lifestyle at all.

My biggest mistake when I first moved here is that I did not adjust my spending habits enough. Sure, I went without all the beauty treatments and purchases of non-essential items. But things like eating out and buying quality weed began to take their toll. I don’t chastise myself for it too much- it’s an all too common element of any riches-to-rags tale. It’s something I have discussed with clients before and the verdict is unanimous: going from having money to having not enough money is a really really difficult adjustment to make.

Many people are unable to make this adjustment. They will lament their lack of finances then go out for a dinner they cannot afford because they deserve a treat, or buy a plane ticket if they need to travel interstate because they didn’t even consider road or rail options, or buy new shoes because their current pair are now off-trend and are older than what they’re used to anyway. I am guilty of this line of thinking, the ‘treat’ mentality which is incidentally also common in people struggling to lose weight, which is just another difficult lifestyle adjustment.

Make no mistake, I am not crying poor here. I’m doing well, but I’ve had to do things that I just took for granted before, like scouring my bank statements to see if there are any pesky gyms or other services making automatic debits, justifying the purchase of a cereal as costing the same amount as a takeaway coffee and pastry, but able to give me 5x the amount of breakfast.

I suppose that’s the other sad irony about money: the more you have, the less you value it. Having had to live a frugal lifestyle for the first time in nearly 10 years, I can safely say that I value money so much more now. I can only hope that I don’t forget this lesson once my income goes back to how it was 2 years ago.

My mother once made a brilliant point as I was in the ‘treat’ mentality, justifying the purchase of a new top even though I was saving for my MA program because I hadn’t bought clothes in months and it was on sale. She said ‘But it’s still money.’

This is something I now think about now every time I am tempted by an impulse purchase of a coffee, items not on my shopping list, or a cab home because I can’t be arsed with buses.

I admit, this experience has certainly been a humbling one. It’s something of a fall from grace to find myself debating buying cereal over a takeaway coffee. But then I remember that this is how normal people live, especially in Tel Aviv where the wages are low and the cost of living high.. And then I am reminded that this is reality.

I hope my perspective never leaves reality again. Much easier said than done. I’m aware that I will make extravagant choices once again, I’m only human. But I will aim to have ample savings stashed away before then.

Health Risks

There has been an outbreak of gonorrhea in Melbourne recently, namely of the throat.

I had a doctor client yesterday who asked me how safe sex workers really are. I explained the laws and legislation in each state as far as I knew them. Here is what I know:

NSW: sex work was decriminalised and that was pretty much it. They have regulations but as far as I have seen over the years, there has been no enforcement.

Performance of natural oral (oral sex without a condom) is not illegal.

There is little to no protection for brothel and agency workers.

A person from the Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP) told me that brothels aren’t allowed to make workers pay for condoms and lube, and that they are required to have disabled access. But the only brothel I ever worked at that supplied free condoms and lube was The Penthouse which has the potential to be a good brothel if it weren’t for the boss and all of his MMA mates hanging in the bar intimidating the clientele.

Stiletto’s mandated the wearing of stockings and sold us your crappy supermarket variety for $20 each. They would fine us $50 for not wearing them. If we did a no-call/no-show for a shift, they’d deduct $200 from our earnings on our next shift and only return it after 3 months.

I can’t say much for other brothels as I never worked at one for long enough. I do know that other places weren’t so strict, and Tiffany’s was the only other place that made us wear stockings and I never saw them fine anyone.

One could argue that if we want to work at a parlour, then we have to accept the conditions set by that parlour. But it’s not like we sign a contract to work there. And most brothels take 40-50% of what the client pays. My belief is that they impose these fines because they’re greedy, end of.

I can’t speak from experience about escort agencies.

But what I do know about agencies and some brothels (not all) is that there tends to be a ‘the customer is always right’- mentality. We are expendable. The client is whom they make their money from. Therefore, there is not as much imperative to protect our interests. Plus, it’s not like there’s any union to protect us.

Agencies and brothels will argue that we are independent sub-contractors, thus they aren’t required to give us the same benefits as an employer would to a regular employee.

Upon commencing work at a new parlour, they will ask for a sexual health certificate. I never worked at any place long enough to see them demand another one every 3 months from their workers. In my years at Stiletto’s I never saw them ask anyone for a sexual health certificate.

Once in the height of my cocaine phase I didn’t hand in a certificate for 6 months. No one seemed to notice.

Victoria: Laws are stricter.

Performance of oral without a condom is illegal.

Brothel conditions are better for workers. Workers are allowed to work wherever they want whereas in NSW if a brothel catches you working somewhere else, they’ll sack you.

They’re more vigilant about collecting sexual health certificates every 3 months.

Some of their laws are weird, like brothels are only allowed to service 6 clients at any one time and incalls for escorts are illegal. I suspect the latter is to prevent the emergence of illegal brothels.

QLD: oral without a condom is illegal.

SA: prostitution is illegal.

WA: oral without a condom is illegal.

Despite the legislation surrounding condom use, oral without a condom seems to be a service that clients expect, unless we explicitly state ‘I don’t provide any ‘natural’ services.’ Even though I do explicitly state this, I still get asked for it all the time.

While other state governments have laws against providing natural oral sex, it’s next to impossible for them to police what goes on between two people behind closed doors. Some escorts even openly advertise this service in states where it is illegal.

It was only a matter of time before an outbreak occurred.

Sex workers are still statistically less likely to have STIs than the average person. But while looking for evidence to back this up I came across this report (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4552148/) which found that though incidence of chlamydia is on the decline, gonorrhea of the throat is on the rise among female sex workers in the Netherlands. From what little I know, performance of natural oral is the norm in Europe.

So anyway, back to my doctor client: I explained all of this to him (except for that report). I told him that because us privates don’t have an agent or manager demanding sexual health certificates from us the onus is really on us to get these tests done.

They are done every 2-3 months because this is the incubation period for most STIs.

I told him that I get a blood and urine test, but that I often have to ask doctors for a throat swab. Doctor client asked me ‘What about vaginal swab? A cervical swab?’

‘A cervical swab?’ I asked. ‘Oh, you mean pap tests? I do those every two years courtesy of the reminder letters the NSW government sends me.’

‘No,’ he responded, ‘a cervical swab is where they swab the part just before the cervix.’

Apparently that’s different from a pap test.

On a similar note, a friend just told me that she tested positive for an STI in her anus thanks to an anal swab. I had never even heard of an anal swab before then.

The strange thing is, a lot of doctors I’ve seen for sexual health tests have never mentioned these other tests to me. And I routinely have to ask for throat swabs.

The only times I’ve done vaginal swabs were when I had other suspected ailments, like BV.

This post paints a pretty bleak picture of testing and regulation in the sex industry, which is why it is important to remember a few things:

sex workers are one of the only demographics that get tested regularly
we always use condoms for vaginal and anal sex
we’ve been doing this long enough that we know how to avoid accidents, like condoms slipping off (the key is to make sure the dick is completely dry before you put it on.)

This is why that escort who does provide natural oral is still less likely to have an STI than the average woman.

That said, there is always risk associated with certain acts, no matter who is performing them.

So if the next provider you see puts a condom on you before performing oral; don’t throw a tantrum, don’t argue, don’t get up and storm off in a huff. Respect her boundaries. If it’s not for you then either end the session early and never come back, or finish the session and never come back.

And if you can’t stay hard in a condom, don’t blame the condom. That’s on you. Your dick may be too used to the skin on skin contact it gets from your hand and/or your wife/partner. Try masturbating with a condom.

It doesn’t help if you’re out of shape either. Few of my gym-going sexual partners (both clients and dudes I date) have issues staying hard, or general stamina for that matter.

Professional Conduct

In an industry that deals explicitly with human emotions, what defines professional behaviour?

If I’m too professional, I risk coming off as cold and robotic. As such, I would fail to meet the emotional needs of my client. ‘Emotional needs?’ you say. ‘But you’re getting paid to fuck.’ Well, I’m not getting paid just to fuck. If all a client wanted was a fuck with an attractive woman he could go to any brothel or escort’s incall for a quick 30-minute sesh. Which is perfectly fine.

But this is not the service I sell.

The service I sell is one of companionship and all that it entails: warmth, affection, chemistry, conversation and, on occasion, hard-arse fucking finishing with my face covered in jizz. It’s a wide range but I manage it pretty well.

Those first four qualities account for one’s emotional needs. Emotions by their very nature are irrational. Therefore, is it fair for client’s to describe sex worker’s who behave irrationally as unprofessional?

As is the case with many other issues in this world, it’s not that black and white. For instance, bookings should essentially be about the clients and his wants as they are the ones paying. Therefore it would be unprofessional of me to spend the bulk of the booking rambling on about whatever problems I may be having at the time without so much as asking him how his day is going. However, some people may like the idea of being someone’s confidante, perhaps it makes them feel needed, useful, or maybe they’d view it as a welcome distraction from their own issues.

The issue with dealing with human emotions for a living is that one has to learn how to ‘read the room,’ so to speak. I’ve been doing this job for a while, and I have above-average emotional intelligence. So it’s up to me to read a client. If he’s a chatterbox, I shut up and let him talk, adding a few passing comments or questions for him to play off of. If he’s shy or a bit introverted, I’ll lead the conversation and perhaps dare to talk about my issues if they’re on my mind.

Emotional needs aside, there are some aspects of this job that are black and white. I may get flamed for what I’m about to write but it’s my blog so fuck it.

A good sex worker:

is well groomed, i.e. body hair is removed from appropriate areas, hair is styled appropriately, makeup is appropriate- just, everything is appropriate, as opposed to inappropriate. My tongue is tied-up.
has good hygiene, i.e. bereft of any unfavorable odours, scrubs under their fingernails, etc.
is on time for bookings (Hey, I never said I actually was professional, did I?)
gives clients enough notice if plans change, e.g. if I know I’m going to be late, I’ll always text ahead of time, even if it’s only by 5 minutes.
Responds to inquiries within a reasonable amount of time, i.e. within 24-hours. When you send me that email or text message, I may be in a long booking, or I may be getting stoned and watching Dr. Phil. Point is, I don’t have fixed hours. Clients don’t contact me, or see me, within a 9am-5pm window. Therefore, I work when I work. I don’t plan on being available for emails/texts ahead of time. Why should I make myself available for something that might happen? If you don’t receive a response, either I fucked up or more likely, the content of your inquiry was not satisfactory (e.g. ‘hi u free? wen u free babe? u do natural oral’).
Has a decent advertisement: I’ve seen some ads which are riddled with spelling errors and lacking with necessary information about services. The effort and time you invest in your marketing will be reflected in the type of clientele you attract. If you have a quality advertisement that is well-presented and succinct, then you are more likely going to attract genuine and decent clients. If your ad is shit, and your photos are shit and you get hardly any calls or emails, you may have to go back and re-examine things, won’t you?
Behaves on social media: this is tricky. One high-profile SW has tweeted, in defense of a particularly passionate set of tweets she authored, something along the lines of, ‘We are human. Clients choose us for our personalities as much as our bodies.’ She’s right. But we are on twitter to attract business, otherwise we wouldn’t be operating under our working pseudonyms. Thus it is prudent to conduct ourselves in a way that’s attractive. Continuous whingeing, whining and engaging in fiery exchanges on a routine basis appears as unattractive to clients, at least, it appears as unattractive to the type of clients I hope to attract. Hence, unprofessional.
Cleans the room up after: this is something I took for granted until a client once commended me for it. It simply didn’t occur to me to not remove soiled tissues and condoms from the bed and its surrounds. It’s a legacy of my brothel days- even in the places that did employ cleaners, we still had to collect all soiled condoms, tissues and wet wipes and put them in a snap-lock bag. If we failed to, reception would tell us to go back and do it.
Maintains a reasonable level of contact: the only correspondence we’re really obliged to participate in is that which pertains to actual bookings. Any further contact is conducted at our own personal discretion. Informing a client that you’re available in the off-chance they may want to book you is perfectly fine in my book. However, haranguing a client to book you, or for an explanation as to why he won’t book you is unprofessional. Similarly, contacting a client at an unreasonable hour because you have emotional needs is unprofessional, unless both client and provider are both on the understanding that their relationship has become more personal than professional.

I’m not saying that these points all apply to me. I’m late all the time, thanks to poor time management and Sydney’s public transport system. Punctuality aside, though, I’m pretty good at being pro.

I’m a shallow bitch

“If you just saw me on the street, would you consider going out with me?”

Don’t ask me this, because the answer is no. No exceptions.

I admit, there are some times when, after spending time with a client I’ve thought, would I go out with him? These clients never ask me that question.

And the answer to my question is still no, because I never go out with clients.

I had a booking last week that I’m going to remember for the rest of my life and not for good reasons. After 4 hours with this gentleman I was on the phone to my friend in a panic, saying ‘Maybe I’m not cut out for this (escorting) anymore.’ Turns out I am still cut out for escorting. I’m just not cut out for spending time with people who demand so much from me emotionally.

This client and I were talking about Tinder. Then he asked me, ‘If you saw me, would you swipe right or left?’ I told him that I’d swipe left. He appreciated my honesty and didn’t take it too hard. I still felt bad, not because I felt guilt or anything, I felt bad because that question made me resent him. I thought, ‘Here I am, in all of my beauty, providing for you physically, intellectually and sexually and you still want more? Fuck you man, haven’t I given you enough?’

Now you might say, it’s just a question. But it’s not. This guy wasn’t looking to satisfy his curiosity. It’s more than a question, it is an expression of hope. When clients ask me this question, they are really asking if they have a shot with me at all. The reason I resent them for asking is because this question forces me into the position of the bad guy for saying no. I don’t like being the bad guy.

The reason bookings become such an ordeal with these types of clients is because it forces me to be on my guard. No longer can I openly talk about my life, my interests and my experiences like I usually do. Because these types of clients are full of hope this also means that they are somewhat desperate.

Because they are desperate, they will read into everything I say. For instance, if I tell them about why I’m studying for my current degree, the average client will think ‘Oh, she’s studying that. How interesting,’ and that’s it. Desperate clients, however, will read into like this: ‘She’s telling me something personal about her life, this means she trusts me. She must really like me if she trusts me that much.’

So whenever clients ask me if I’d ever go out with them, my guard goes up because I cannot trust them to not read into everything I say as me liking them as more than a client. I become uncharacteristically quiet, giving one-word answers. More importantly, I become uncomfortable, the booking becomes a chore as I count down to it ending.

But what really gets me about this question is that it’s never the ones with their shit together who ask me if I’d ever go out with them. It has been a long time since I was asked that. One of the things I love about being a private escort is that I never get asked this question. The client who asked me this question was so far out of my league it wasn’t funny.

Now I know what you’re going to say now, ‘Why is she talking about someone being out of her league? That’s so shallow. Who does she think she is, a fucking model?’ Let me explain. The reason I am out of his league is not because he was ugly. The reason I am out of his league is because of the effort I put into myself, physically.

I’ve already detailed the effort that goes into preparing for a date in a previous post, including how I get properly made up, do my hair and shave every inch of my body bar my arms. But there is a lot more to making myself look good than that:

I spend $200 and 3 hours of my time each month getting blonde highlights in my hair. Shock horror- I am not a natural blonde!
Every 6 weeks, a stranger literally lasers my vagina and its surrounding area to prevent regrowth. Can you imagine the pain involved in having an ultra-hot laser zapped deep into my epidermis? It’s worse than a wax, but unlike a wax it only lasts 5 minutes so it’s better really. But still, I don’t see dudes lining up to have their junk lasered. The occasional rug burn on my vag testifies to this.
I spend 2 hours every fortnight manicuring and pedicuring. If I paid it would only be a little less time (because I’d be getting shellac or acrylics on my fingernails instead of just going with a plain polish) but would cost around $80 for a full shellac mani-pedi.
I pluck my brows.
Once a week I apply a deep-conditioning mask to my hair. I have to leave it for 10 minutes then rinse it out. You have no idea how much of a pain it is to have to have 2 showers 10 minutes apart.
I have a strict skincare regimen. Every morning, I wipe my face with a cotton ball soaked in toner, then I apply moisturizer, eye cream, lip balm and sunscreen. At night, I cleanse my face in the shower. I wipe with the toner, apply serum, eye cream, moisturizer and lip balm. Then I will apply lotion to my entire body. Twice a week I will wash my face with a facial scrub after cleansing my face. Once a week I will exfoliate using exfoliation gloves and soap-free body wash- then I will apply a heavier moisturizer to my entire body. Another thing I do once a week is apply a face mask, which are these paper things soaked in moisturizer that you fit to your face and leave for 10-15 minutes.
I go to the gym 2-3 times per week for at least an hour each time. I do 10-15 minutes of cardio (because I fucking hate cardio), 20 minutes of abs and stretches and 30 minutes of resistance training.

The last client who asked me if I would ever go out with him was not physically attractive at all, but not because he lost the genetic lottery. He was unattractive for the following reasons:

His hair was greasy.
He had poor complexion. He told me he was on this prescription cream for it but not much else. I asked him about his skin care regimen and he said that he didn’t do much except for apply the prescription cream and wash his face in the shower with soap.
After he had showered, he had dead skin caught up in his chest hair.
Even though he had showered, I had to literally scrub his dick with baby wipes to get rid of the smaegma.
He was skinny but unhealthy. I asked him if he ever exercised and he said no. I didn’t bother asking him about his diet.

After comparing the effort he puts into his appearance to mine, it is logical to conclude that no, I am not shallow for finding this man unattractive. In fact, I think the whole concept of ‘shallow’ was invented by entitled bitter men to absolve them of any fault in their lack of a companion.

Sure, the acne thing is not his fault. Having had many people close to me suffer the perils of severe acne I know better than to judge someone for it. However, when someone is lumped with a predicament they should deal with it accordingly. For instance, I have depression, thus I take antidepressants and see a psychiatrist. My first ever boyfriend was on Roaccutane for his acne. On top of taking a medication with severe side-effects, he had a similar skin care regimen to mine: He cleansed and moisturized at least twice a day. It was from him that I got the idea of mixing jojoba oil with my moisturizer. I had another hooker friend on Roaccutane who ate a mostly vegan diet and followed a similar skin-care regimen to me, except she used take of her make-up inbetween bookings to prevent break-outs whereas most women would just take theirs off at the end of the day. The fact that all this guy did was apply prescription cream every now and then meant that he hadn’t dealt with his predicament. Therefore I happily judge him for his skin issues.

Earlier this year I was asked out by a fellow uni student who, upon my rejection, said ‘I never knew you to be so shallow.’ This guy had long hair which he never brushed but always wore in a pony tail. Parts of it were matted, that’s how messy his hair was. He never exercised so he was unhealthy with a pot belly. All he ever wore were jeans and a black t-shirt. I’m all for rejecting style for functionality but his t-shirts always had tiny balls of lint on them and if I stood close enough to him I could smell whether it was his laundry day or not. To top it off, he was a neckbeard- you know those guys who can’t grow a beard on their face but they can on their jaw and neck and they just let it all grow out? Yep, he was one of those.

But no, uni dude is still single because we’re all shallow bitches.

How do I conclude this rambling post? I suppose the moral of all of my anecdotes is that if you can’t understand why you’re still single, look at yourself. Don’t go asking escorts to tell you what you want to hear and don’t go blaming everyone else for your lack of a companion either. Put some effort into looking after yourself first.

Touring

Ah, twitter has become such a source of inspiration for new blog topics recently. Yesterday an escort published that she is being castigated by another escort for giving bad touring advice. Apparently, the latter escort had toured Paris and Edinburgh following the former’s recommendations and had no success.

For me, an unsuccessful tour is one in which I don’t manage to break even.

Those of you who follow my antics on social media may have noticed that I cancelled most of my announced tours. This is because I did not get enough pre-bookings to be able to break even. I do not tour unless I have enough deposits to indicate that I will break even. This is why I have restricted my tour to Melbourne and Perth. Sure, Perth is the most expensive city to fly to with the most expensive day-to-day expenses. But the fact is, I will make higher profits than if I go somewhere cheaper.

Recently, I forgot to cancel my Wollongong tour. For the two days I had advertised there I received numerous inquiries. I admit, I got a bit of righteous satisfaction out of telling them that I’d cancelled due to zero pre-bookings. If I had chosen to go in the end, it’s likely that I would have made a decent profit. But alas, I’m not willing to take that risk.

Touring is an investment, and a risky one at that. The expenses are the same as any other business trip: flights, accommodation, transport, food, etc. Except that we don’t get to write it off as a business expense. I recently cancelled my tour to Hong Kong because the business expenses would have been far greater than any Australian city.

Many touring escorts will incorporate a tour into a standard holiday to alleviate the pressure. This was what I had planned to do in Hong Kong, but in the end, I just couldn’t be bothered. All of my friends and family are back here, I’d rather spend my holidays with them than on my own overseas.

Another thing about touring is that it’s isolating as hell. When I’m not working, I’m in my hotel room. I have nothing else to do and few people to see. Sure, I could get out and explore but when the only people I’m talking to are my clients, it can get pretty lonely. This is why I couldn’t be away from home for more than 2 weeks at a time.

If anyone wants me to visit their city, and their city isn’t either Melbourne or Perth, I’m afraid that you’ll have to fly me there yourself. It will be worth it, I can assure you!

How I get ready for a date

I’ve gotten back on the ol’ Tinder bandwagon in the past week and the amount of men asking me to their locale for dates has convinced me that men,both potential suitors and clients, both potential suitors and clients, have little how much effort it takes to get ready to go out, whether for a date and/or a booking. Sure, you’ve all witnessed your wives and girlfriends primp themselves in front of the mirror and you’ve heard at least one woman shrug and say ‘Yeah, it takes a long time for me to get ready,’ whenever they’re confronted about it. But very few of you know the minutiae of the getting ready process. So I’d thought I’d break it down for you in a step-by-step process

Shower time:

Washes self
Shaves entirety of both legs, armpits and vag.
Washes hair.
Conditions hair, making sure to leave it in for at least two minutes.
Washes face with cleanser.
Washes face with facial scrub.

Post-shower:

Moisturises entirety of body.
Applies serum, eye cream and moisturiser to face.
Puts on bra, panties, garter belt and stockings (I only do this for dates in my capacity as an escort).

Make-up

Applies facial primer.
Applies cream concealer to under-eyes, nose and chin.
Goes over cream concealer with liquid concealer.
Applies eyeshadow primer.
Applies base eyeshadow.
Applies contouring eyeshadow.
Blends contouring eyeshadow.
Applies highlighting eyeshadow.
Applies liquid liner to top lash line.
Uses pencil liner on lower lashline.
Curls eyelashes.
Applies 2 coats of mascara.
Uses eyebrow pencil.
Blends in concealer.
Applies tinted moisturiser to face. Uses brush to blend with concealer.
Applies blush.
Applies highlighter to cheekbones.
Brushes on lipstick.

Hair:

Applies conditioning oil then combs it through.
Blow-dries upside down, using a round nylon-bristle brush.
Curls the ends of hair with a GHD.

Then I put on a dress an high-heels, which I have to walk around in all night.

It may seem like a lot of steps but consider this, I don’t even wear foundation, bronzer or false eyelashes- imagine how many extra steps those would add, especially the falsies.

And after all that, these Tinder fuckboys want me to get in my car, drive away from my cushy suburban locale to their inner west/city share house without even the promise of head?

Not happening, brah. You come to my hood.

Things I’ve Learned from Hooking

This past August marked 5 years since my entry into the sex industry when I walked into the brothel all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. So it seems fitting to compile a list of the strange lessons I’ve learned:

The male gaze is far more forgiving than the female gaze: Let me tell you about Melissa from Stiletto’s. She was an older working lady, her face was lined and her voice deep but boy, was she popular. When I first saw her naked, I looked at her flat arse covered in cellulite and wondered, ‘Why do men find her attractive?’ As time went by and I got more used to my environment I began to see her appeal quite clearly: She was tall, distinctly Eurasian, tanned, enhanced, small-waisted and had a black mane of hair going down to her lower back. To top it off, she oozed confidence and she seemed to enjoy her job very much. She was especially popular among younger clients (no doubt thanks to the growing popularity of the MILF porn category), but also with group bookings because other girls liked working with her. My problem was that my notions of beauty up until then had been influenced by my own self-loathing and reading too many magazines growing up. Shortly after starting at the brothel it became a lot easier to see other womens’ distinct appeal.
Just because anal is an option, doesn’t mean clients will take it: This is a lesson I learned more recently when I finally learned that I actually like anal sex, thanks to a patient ex boyfriend. This sounds ridiculous now but shortly before I started working, I read Belle de Jour’s ‘Secret Diary of a London Call Girl.’ There was a lot of anal in that book. A lot. It seemed every one of her clients wanted it. I was thinking, ‘Holy Cow, I don’t want to be an escort if it means having to do anal!’ It’s the main reason I began working in a brothel. Only once I’d started there did I realise that just because you’re an escort, doesn’t mean you have to do, ahem, ‘more varied’ sexual acts. But by that time I had drunk the brothel kool-aid and didn’t develop the courage to go private for another 2 years. Since I started offering it as an extra about 2 years ago, (bearing in mind that I’ve had a 9 month break during that time) I doubt I’ve been asked for it more than a dozen times. I don’t know how to explain that one.
When something is going wrong in my life, my sex work is rarely the issue: These past five years have been tumultuous to say the least. Let’s just say that I’ve done a lot of living. I’ve hit low points that have caused me to leave the industry in what were knee-jerk reactions. Sure, it was lonely, especially when I was in Perth where I was working from home, studying from home and living on the complete opposite end of the country from my support network. The loneliness and isolation accumulated to the point where I had to take a looooong break not knowing if I wa every going to return. Turns out, the work itself wasn’t the problem. It never has been. While I was at the brothel it was the brothel that was the problem, the details of which I have already covered in a previous post. When I was in Perth it was being in Perth that was the problem, not the work itself. I think the reason it took me so long to see that is because of my own internalised stigma against sex work. It took me nearly 5 years of working on and off to fully overcome that stigma.
Sex work is real work: Again, I refer to that internalised stigma. Someone close to me who knows what I do has told me more than once that it’s ‘easy work,’ to which I’ve responded ‘Well, if it’s that easy why isn’t everyone else doing it?’ But it’s one thing to say that and another to believe it. I am well aware of my privilege as a white, educated, attractive young woman. I live with the knowledge that it was only through the mere wagging of a sperm’s tail that I wound up here, the product of a stable home set in an upper middle class area which empowered me to study and travel. And it was from this same sperm’s tail-wagging that I was endowed with a set of features that some dudes are willing to pay to jizz all over. It’s a fact that has caused me a lot of guilt at times when I wonder how my life would have been if I did not have this face or this body, or if I was born to parents in some mud-hut village in Africa. I suppose it’s like the hooker version of ‘imposter syndrome.’ Sometimes I’ve found myself wondering if I really deserve all of the money I earn when all I really do it talk shit most of the time, get naked and fool around for a bit, then piss a lot of it against the wall on designer shoes, Whedon merchandise and hedonistic experiences. Reading ‘Superfreakonomics’ really helped- I know I’ve mentioned this book a lot but fuck, it’s enlightening! Because it helped me boil this profession down to simple economics. Knowing that economics is largely beyond my control helps in accepting that people are willing to pay to spend time with me intimately. It also helps knowing that pretty much anyone with even a shred of humanity living in the 1st world has similar thoughts. I certainly didn’t come up with the ‘what if I was born in Africa’ scenario. Plus I shouldn’t sell myself short: I have a good body (credit to my maternal grandmother for the hourglass figure) and a pretty face. As well, I worked my arse off for my education and spent a lot of time in therapy learning about myself which, in turn, has helped me learn how to lend an empathetic ear.
Always wash jizz off with cold water: Because if you use hot water, it cooks the jizz on to your skin. That’s why is gets dry and starts to peel.
The more sex a woman has, the tighter her vag becomes: Not that I ever subscribed to the whole ‘like throwing a hotdog down a hallway’ expression. But legit, there are so many boys out there who think that loose women have loose vaginas. By that logic I, who has had probably around 1000 different dicks in me at some point, have a vag that’s looser than my Nan, who was married to the same man for 65 years and pushed out 8 babies. Let me break it down for you: I love sex. Love it. I’d be in the wrong job if I didn’t. But I don’t approach each client expecting to come. Far from it. His needs are before mine. I am there to make him feel good. Therefore, his orgasm comes before mine. Any orgasm I have is just gravy. I know that I provide a lot more than just release but it’s still a fundamental element of my service regardless. So I’m going to implement a lot of finely tuned techniques to ‘extract’ my client’s orgasm. This involves that flexing of the PC muscles that women’s magazines always bang on about, or used to before magazines became obsolete (whew, showing my age here!). Now, what happens to a muscle when you flex it on a regular basis? That’s right, it gets stronger! So if I’m having sex with a lot of different dudes, a lot of times, I’m going to be flexing my PC muscles far more than your Average Joe, leading to stronger PC muscles. Hence, tighter vag.
So much of client behaviour can be attributed to their cultural background. That said, it is important not to generalise. This is a subject I feel more comfortable talking about in person, rather than writing about on a public forum. Let’s take my views on the Irish, for example. On the whole, they have not made good clients for all of the reasons you’d expect. They come from a culture that’s more macho and patriarchal than Australia’s. Combine that with a bordering inhuman capacity for alcohol consumption and you’ve got some interesting bookings to say the least (like that guy I had to punch, or the other guy on whom I ended a booking early with the explanation ‘Quite frankly, you’ve been a bit of a cunt.’) On the other hand, I’ve had a handful of really lovely and genial clients who happened to be born in Ireland. Plus, one of the best holiday flings I had was with an Irishman. Sure he was slightly built and drank too much but he was kind and sensitive and made me feel special. I constantly remind myself to be careful about generalising because it’s a problem that I developed in my early ‘baby hooker’ days that leeched over into my personal life and caused more than a few awkward social situations. These presented hard lessons in cultural sensitivity and learning not to generalise. Perhaps the men I encounter in my capacity as a sex worker conform more to cultural stereotypes than the people I encounter in broad daylight because their less amenable attributes are culturally informed (especially for men from more patriarchal cultures). And because I present as a mode of escapism, they’re less inhibited about these attributes. It’s a theory, at least.
Men don’t notice shit: I used to arrive at the brothel over an hour early to do my make-up. Then one day I was late and had to start doing ‘meets’ (where we introduce ourselves to clients) with my face half-done. I made more money that shift than any other shift until then. Likewise, when I went private I splurged on Agent Provocateur because that’s what all the other escorts did, thus that was what I had to do to compete. These days some of my lingerie comes from H&M. As one client explained to me once, ‘When I see boobs, I just think “Boobs!”‘ He definitely doesn’t think about the delicate embroidered lace that covers said boobs. I’m generalising again. ‘Not all men’ blah blah blah but for the vast majority of the time, they don’t notice shit. Getting personal now but when I first had sex with my last boyfriend, he stopped mid-foreplay to admire my bra. That was when I knew he was something special. Turns out he wasn’t but ah well.
You can get STIs elsewhere besides your mouth and genitals Sad, but true. I did not know you could get STIs in the eye, nose and skin (except for herpes) until I started working and was enlightened by my colleague. A testament to the inadequate sexual education provided by the NSW state. I hope it’s better now.
Sex work is not as unsafe as everyone thinks it is: My gut has served me well. In my capacity as a private worker I have never once felt my safety to be threatened. Since I started working privately I have been assaulted twice: once by a handyman I had employed to help me change light globes (I know it sounds like I lack a basic life skill but this required a ladder and I didn’t have one!) The other was by a Tinder date who took advantage while I was blackout drunk. In hindsight, it’s interesting to note that in my capacity as an escort, the balance of power is clearly in my control. There is an unspoken agreement between myself and my clients that I am in control, no matter how much money they’ve given me. When I say stop, they stop. When I say don’t, they obey. Now in those situations the balance of power wasn’t so clear. To the handyman, I was a young and naive girl who presented as too nice to say no-something which he took advantage of. I mean, he was surprised when I told him to stop and asked him to leave. (Fuck, I asked him to leave. Really?) Yes, I had some advantage in that it was my house, but he had the advantage in that he was older and with age and experience had become good at spotting a pushover when he saw one. He also had advantage in that I relied on him for help. To the Tinder date, I was a loose bimbo who was up for it. I had no power in that situation. Yes, I made the choice to go to his house. Yes, I made the choice to get blackout drunk. Now, I know that the lines in certain situations like this can be blurry as many are wont to have sex when they are drunk but in this situation I was blacked out. I don’t remember much, but I remember being so incapacitated that I couldn’t undress myself- he did it. And in this situation he had all the power- it was at his house, he could hold his alcohol far better. By comparing these two events with my sex work it’s clear that sex work is safer than simply having an ordinary man in my home, or being in an ordinary man’s home in a more everyday capacity. That has been my experience anyway.

Well, that’s a nice even ten. It turned into another long one. What can I say, this mind of mine is full of…I don’t know. I have a short attention span.

Sex work in the media

I’ve been wanting to write something about this article about Samantha X for a while (http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/manis-matching-lingerie-drug-use-samantha-xs-7-lessons-for-escorts-in-training-20160525-gp3e00.html) but thought it best to wait until the furor died down. After all, this article pissed off a lot of people and for good reason. To illustrate, I shall dissect the relevant extracts:

After working as a Sydney escort for the last five years, Samantha X, real name Amanda Goff, has started giving lessons in etiquette, grooming and personal security to prospective sex workers.

I actually worked with Samantha X until the rape. When she told management she was sacked. It was horrific. It was one of the factors that motivated my decision to leave brothel work and start working privately. Similar things happened to me, but that’s just Stiletto’s under Jamelie Lahoud for you.

That aside, Samantha first appeared within the walls of Stiletto’s in early 2013, three and a half years ago. Therefore I am skeptical as to whether she is as experienced as she says she is.
She handpicked 12 new female recruits recently from what she said were “hundreds of applicants around Australia”, including, she said, a doctor, a lawyer and a woman from the Australian Tax Office, and coached them.

Why are people still so shocked that sex work can appeal to normal people? ‘Ooh, a doctor wants to be an escort? How ludicrous!’ Grab me a fucking bucket!

Her main warning to those starting out: “Once you start, you are hooked. Once you realise it is lucrative, it is a very difficult industry to leave.

“That’s why I don’t like young girls doing it.”

I’m on the fence about this one. I don’t think it’s right to judge people for making a decision that’s neither illegal nor harmful for anyone else. That said, I am glad that I had the experience of having a boyfriend for 2 years before taking up sex work at 20 years old. Even though most of that relationship was regrettable it felt like a normal rite of passage. Also, there are a few incidents early on at the brothel that I only realise retrospectively were sexual assault. And my naivete allowed Stiletto’s to take advantage. But I wonder if I wouldn’t be so self-assured if it weren’t for those experiences. Every life lesson I’ve had, I’ve had to learn the hard way. I’m too stubborn to take anyone’s word for anything.

Here are the seven lessons she gives her student escorts:

1. Grooming: “If men are paying top dollar, you need to look the part,” she says.

Matching lingerie is a must. So are manicures, but strictly only in the following colours: nude, coral or a French tip.

“Nails are really important, men notice these things. They don’t understand black nail polish and no brights, like pink or neons – keep it simple. But on toes you can experiment with red or whatever,” she said.

Hah! I took a last minute booking just this past Monday night. It was my first booking in 10 days. Neither my toe nor finger nails were painted. When I pointed this out to my client, by way of explanation as to why we generally ask for 24 hours notice, he stated ‘I didn’t even notice.’

For the record, I haven’t gotten a professional manicure in nearly two years. I’m too stingy and I don’t like how hard your professionals are on my delicate nails.

Coloured lingerie is strictly out, think only black or white, and don’t even consider putting together any old black bra and black underwear – “they need to be a matching set.”

Yeahhh nah, not true. Not true at all. I mean, don’t wear fluoro lingerie but as long as it’s sexy it doesn’t really matter. I’ve encountered mostly negative feedback whenever I’ve worn white lingerie. It doesn’t go as well with a pasty skin tone like mine and I think it makes me look a bit too innocent.

I’ve gotten requests for ordinary cotton underwear before, in conjunction with denim shorts and a white singlet top- some men prefer the girl-next-door look. I’ve also gotten requests for yoga pants. The more I examine this article the more I realise that Samantha X is kind of tarring us with the same brush.

Fake tan is an absolute no. “It stinks, stains sheets, and never can you really get it perfect,” Goff explained. “If you’re pale, learn to love it.”

Men like a woman who is confident. If fake tan helps the escort feel better about herself then bully for him. And who cares about the mess? It’s only you or the hotel maids washing the sheets.

“Invest in a good pair of shoes, good lingerie, one nice dress, one nice trouser suit, one high-waisted skirt, a white shirt and you’ll be set,” she said. “The look I get asked for the most, because I always ask clients how they would like me to dress, is corporate.

That’s fair. But it’s not an aesthetic choice, clients prefer it because it’s inconspicuous.

“Hygiene goes without saying.”

I’ve gotten the odd request to not wear deodorant, go to the gym then not shower before the booking. It makes sense, sweat has pheromones.

2. Compassion: Goff said prospective escorts will meet many different kinds of clients, including those they won’t be attracted to. “You really need to have an open mind. You can’t judge people on the way they look, you judge them on the way they behave.”

Fair.

3. Listening: “It’s not like Tinder. You are there for him and you have to ask questions and seem interested,” she explained. “They want to talk about their cars or their marriages or their kids or their cancer, whatever, you have to be able to listen.

For most clients, seeing sex workers is a form of escapism, a means for them to forget about their lives for a period of time, similar to watching a movie of doing drugs. Therefore it’s more likely that a client will want to talk about me than himself. Then again, that’s just my experience.

“There is nothing worse than appearing distracted because it’s rude and the client will pick up on that.”

Fair.

4. Well read: “Know what is happening in the world,” she said. “Know a bit about the American election.

“You are often meeting with men who are CEOs, chairmen, top of the industry … They don’t want to talk about reality TV. You need to know how to keep a conversation going at a high level.”

This is fair, but only to an extent. This statement assumes that most clients are well-read themselves, and that the ones who are are narrow-minded and pretentious. I know of well-read clients who see sex workers for the secondary purpose of interacting with people who are different, with different tastes and different world views. Some may appreciate conversations about reality TV because it’s different or it helps them to be a bit more ‘down with the kids,’ perhaps. I’ve had clients thank me for telling them what the various computer game acronyms (e.g. ‘LOL’= ‘League of Legends’, ‘WOW’ = ‘World of Warcraft’, etc.) stand for because it has gained them some respect from their kids, emphasis on some.

5. Discretion: “An escort never talks about names. It is really unclassy,” she said.

Hey, if I think the individual is a scourge on the industry I’ll happily talk shit about her to discourage clients from seeing her.

6. Alcohol and drugs: “You’ll be exposed to more alcohol and occasionally drugs, just like real life,” she said, but getting drunk or high on the job is unacceptable as you must always have “your wits about you”.

“Always monitor your drinking. Three dates a week could equal three bottles of champagne a week, and it’s not a good look to be drunk with a client.

I’m teetotal these days but hell yeah I got drunk on clients. After all, in this great nation of Australia, a person’s character is measured by his or her capacity for alcohol!

“If you lose control, you lose your boundaries.”

Alright, maybe I’m wrong on this one.

7. Protection: Goff enlists a security personnel to train her students in self defence. “It is really important,” she said.

Knowledge is also power and she recommends finding out as much as possible about the client before meeting.

“Who he is? What he does for work? How old he is? What experience is he looking for? The more you know about the client the safer you will be,” she explained.

I require deposits for this reason.

“Never be complacent and you should always trust your gut feeling. If it doesn’t feel right, get out.”

There was a time when I didn’t charge deposits. The fact that I do now is probably the main reason why I’m not as busy as I was in Perth. (Many prospective clients seem to think we’re all out to blackmail them for some reason.) So I relied on my gut and there’s a lot to be said for it. Not once have I felt unsafe since I started working privately, even when I was working from my own place. Yes, I have been sexually assaulted more than once in my life but never in my capacity as a private worker.

The key is to not be desperate for money, as this clouds your judgement.

It’s pretty easy to tell when a client is sincere. For instance a text message reading ‘Hi Lyla, gorgeous profile. I was wondering if I could see you for an hour this Saturday night’ sounds way more legit than ‘Hi, u do couples?’ or ‘Hi babe u free?’ Then again, Ted Bundy was said to be quite charming…

Goff, a mother-of-two, who grew up in London where she attended an “elite private school”, said she has “no regrets” about revealing her identity as a sex worker in 2014 when she appeared on Channel 7’s Sunday Night to promote her book.

Again with the emphasis on her privileged background *bangs head on desk.* Here’s a newsflash, not all private school kids have rich parents. In fact a lot have parents who made sacrifices for their children’s education. Even if your parents are rich, most of them aren’t just giving money to their kids willy nilly. The vast majority of people in this world actually have to earn their own money.

And also, when you think about it, it makes perfectly good sense that most private escorts come from middle class backgrounds if you ever read ‘Superfreakonomics’ by Dubner and Levitt. Basically these guys blame 1970s feminism. Most of the women doing sex work until then had no choice. If you had no man to depend on, if you were divorced or a single parent, you had little choice. Then in comes the 2nd Wave and now women had more choice. All these women who were forced by circumstance into sex work had other options; being a divorcee and/or a single mother, or an unwed mother, was no longer as taboo. This left a void in the industry. The women who had the capacity to fill that void were no longer made desperate by circumstance, therefore they could demand more. And that’s how middle-class hookers are made!

Goff is currently single as she has yet to find her Mr Right, and has recently written about the possibility of becoming a lesbian.

I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one and assume she was taken out of context. No way would she talk about homosexuality like it’s a choice in this day and age.

Right, so I’ve said all I want to say about that specific article. Having known Amanda in a professional capacity for a brief amount of time years ago I can vouch for her character. She was always kind for as long as I knew her.

As for the public profile she has cultivated, I am less favourable. Overall, I think she is pandering to benefit her own business interests.

I read her book and her background in magazine publication is evident because it reads like one. It’s no coincidence that she decided to utilise her connections within the industry and come out on Sunday Night ahead of the release of her book. And it’s no coincidence that she announced that she was starting her own escorting business mere months later.The woman is a brilliant business person.

And it’s no coincidence that she has become a sort of spokesperson for the industry but I don’t fault her for this as much as many others within the industry would. (Seriously, you should have seen the social media reaction when this article first came out.)

There are dozens of Australian ‘high-class’ escorts who show their faces and are happy to publicly talk about their profession in the media. But to do that would be to show the public just how boring sex work really is.

The reason Samantha X makes headlines is because the public love her. The public love reading about her for the same reason they eat up articles about Christine McQueen. Her story is scintillating. Why read about the part-time student who works only 2-3 hours a week and spends most of her time in her tracksuit pants smoking weed and reading comics (ahem) when you can read about the beauty-journalist turned ‘high class’ madam? Or Richard Pratt’s mistress?

Unfortunately the public are too stupid to recognise that Samantha X’s is just one perspective. They’re still caught up in the notion that sex workers are either junkie street-walkers or ‘high-class’ Chanel-wearing courtesans. You’d think people would realise ‘Everyone has different tastes, therefore there must be a variety of sex workers out there’ but no.

My, and I think a lot of my colleagues’, gripe with Samantha X is that as a journalist, she knows that consumers are dumb. But if she were to set the record straight then no one would want to read or publish articles about her anymore, because that shit’s too boring. Instead she exploits her position to further her business profile. Imagine how many hits her Samantha’s Angels website got after that article. On that note, imagine how many new clients Christine McQueen got when she took the Pratt estate to court.

For a realistic portrayal about sex work I recommend ‘Under my Skin’ by Kate Holden. You’ve never heard of her because she was a heroin-addicted street-walker/brothel worker.

“Natural” Beauty

This is so fundamental to sex work I’m surprised I haven’t written about it yet. I suppose after 5 years in this industry I just take it for granted. Comments about looks from clients are par for course. But it has always bothered me when they finish a compliment with ‘Not like those other fake girls,’ or ‘Don’t go doing something stupid like getting surgery on these’ while pointing at my breasts.

We all have our preferences. Some men prefer natural-looking women to fake-looking women. Little do they know that the natural-looking women most likely just has good surgeons/dermatologists.

It’s the men and women who denigrate others for getting work done that irks me. Women use it as a weapon to put other women down. Their attitude is something along the lines of ‘She’s pathetic, having to go round getting surgery to look like that. I don’t need surgery, I get enough attention as it is,’ or ‘She’s only pretty because she’s had all that work done.’ People often say the latter about Kim Kardashian. I say she was pretty enough beforehand but her net worth and fame grew exponentially after she had all that surgery so it seems she made the smart choice.

Men approach this issue with incomprehension, confusion and indignation. ‘Why,’ they wonder, hands thrown up in the air, ‘do women do that to themselves? Natural looks so much better/They look so much uglier now.’ Amazingly, the thought does not occur to them that they’re not getting procedures done for anyone else’s approval.

When I first started out, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in Stiletto’s I was amazed at the proliferation of cosmetic enhancements. Until then I’d viewed these procedures as something that only the rich and famous do. But the more I got to know these women, and the more familiar became with the different procedures out there I realised that I had in fact been surrounded by enhanced women for most of my life.

Having grown up in one of Sydney’s more affluent areas this was a given. Now I see it everywhere. Once when I took a break from sex work I went back to restaurant work on the northern beaches. Most of the middle-aged female patrons who came in had at least some botox. The dead giveaway was when they had smooth tight foreheads but sun-damaged skin- so really, the botox didn’t make as much of a difference as one would hope with the amount of money it costs. Still, I’ve been more vigilant about sun protection since.

These days, cosmetic enhancements have evolved to the point where only experts and other enhanced women would be able to tell the difference. I’ve known women with breast implants who tell clients they’re natural and the clients believe them.

Conversely, I’ve had clients look at my breasts and ask me if I have children. I sigh and have to explain to them that I went from an A to a D cup in the space of 6 months when I was 13 years old, that’s why they have stretch marks. The reason they sag a bit is because they’re natural and are, as such, subject to gravity. The worst was when I was 17 and my brother’s friend noticed I wasn’t wearing a bra underneath my shirt and asked ‘Why are your tits so saggy?’ I responded, ‘Because they’re real, dickhead.’ I made that retort knowing full well that the only boob he’d ever seen was on the internet where breast implants are everywhere.

The above paragraph goes to show that many beauty standards (big perky breasts, high cheekbones etc.) are influenced by avenues where cosmetic enhancements are the norm. I’m talking media, people. The same women who denigrate others for getting surgery would probably get work done if they could afford it. The vast majority of them will be getting botox even before they hit 30.

The men who denigrate plastic surgery will continue to bat off on internet porn. Furthermore, those same men who gush over my real breasts will completely overlook other naturally-breasted SWs because they’re flat-chested. I pulled a guy up on this. I asked him why he booked me and he said that he likes natural-looking blondes. I replied, ‘There was another natural-looking blonde who met you downstairs, around my age. Her name was Blair, remember?’ He couldn’t remember. I suggested that perhaps it’s because her B-cup breasts are half the size of mine. I saw many men who admonish women for getting breast implants only to overlook flat-chested women.

My view on the matter is live and let live. I’ve spoken to enough women with procedures done to know that they did it to please themselves more than anyone else. Sure, they get more bookings now with the breast implants but the financial gain is just gravy on top of the confidence boost. I don’t know about you guys but if I’m paying for it I’d rather see a woman who feels good about herself and thus brings more confidence to the booking than one I’d have to spent time reassuring with, ‘No, you look beautiful, stop saying that about yourself, your nose is pretty, I can’t see any wrinkles blah blah.’

I recently paid for a non-surgical procedure myself. No one except those closest to me noticed. But I notice and I feel better about myself because of it so I’m going to keep forking out for those procedures, even if it is frivolous and shallow.

That and I have tattoos now. No raegrets!

How to read an escort’s social media

There has been much squabbling between sex workers over the past week on Twitter. Most of it has been about marketing and pricing. Many SWs like to broadcast their ‘exclusivity’ and ‘high-class nature.’ A lot of them do this while unwittingly putting down other working ladies with tweets like ‘I charge ‘x’ amount because I provide companionship. If all you want is a root then go to a brothel.’ Some have been denigrating ‘low-rate’ workers for undercutting the market. When confronted on this they respond with something along the lines of ‘They degrade themselves with their low prices.’ This is the ‘whorarchy’ in its truest form.

There are many things I’d like to say to a certain few SWs who are perpetuating the whorarchy but alas, it would be poor marketing. Which leads me on to the subject of this blog’s title.

Everyone knows that one person who seems to attract drama. Each week brings in a new drama- they don’t have enough money for rent, so-called friends are being cruel to them, their boss is really hard on them. Every relationship they have is fraught with arguments and every single one of them ends on bad terms. Every time you meet up with them they don’t hesitate to dominate conversation with their dramas. And despite them being the common denominator and every single one of these dramas, they are always the victim.

Eventually you come to realise this and decide to steer clear of them. It is probably a good idea to apply this measure to SWs as well as your own social life. True, most SWs are still able to provide a good service despite their personal issue. But the fact that they air their dirty laundry on social media means that they’ve let their personal problems affect their work- otherwise they wouldn’t be doing it under their working name.

So that SW whom you’ve been following on social media who is always at the centre of drama, usually between other SWs, who likes to name names and who is always the victim? Yeah, she’s the one causing all the mess. That sex worker who’s ranting about the entitlement of other SWs and uploading pictures of her luxury possessions? Yeah, she’s got anger problems, plus she’s overcompensating.

Now here’s the part where I get all self-righteous and explain how I’m too high and mighty to get involved in these squabbles. I’m not. I’d love to give these bitches a piece of my mind. But my head is telling me ‘It’s only going to make you feel worse.’ And it’s true, the more invested you get in drama, the more you think about it which means the more you stew over the little things which leads you to blowing them out of proportion and taking them way more seriously than you should.

I’ve learned this the hard way. Hell, just look in my archive and you’ll see some entry bitching about clients who don’t respect my time. It’s exhausting.

But also, I don’t care enough. Back when I was escorting full time I’d get up in arms over the little things. Client didn’t show up, I’d blow up his phone and argue with him over text for hours. Client sent me an impolite message? I’d send him an abusive one back.

Now that I only do 3-4 bookings per month, I just block them. I’m less invested in my work, now that I’m a full-time student and have day job. Therefore I care less. It’s quite liberating.

On top of that, it’s poor marketing. Clients aren’t stupid. They can read between the lines. Many of them come from a business/marketing background so they know that mixing business with personal is a big no-no.

The SW who uses social media to exchange positive dialogue with her colleagues and clients, upload photos or just update her movements? Yeah, she’s no drama queen. You’ll have a good time with her.