When chickens come home to roost

Lately I’ve been twiddling my thumbs wondering what to blog about. I seem to have exhausted all of the juiciest subjects I can think of. Then just like that I receive a message from a friend saying ‘Did you see the news about Jamelie? She’s fucked now! Haha!’

Really? The hunchbacked old crow who came into the Shoe on occasion? Who’d disappear into her office without so much as saying ‘hello’ to any of the girls there making her rich? Who’d commandeer the cash office so she could skim all of the cash payments without having to record them? Who’d force girls into bookings with threats of job termination? Well, I couldn’t resist the chance to get my justice boner on.

And get it on, I did. Thanks to this article here: http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/sydney-madam-jamelie-lahood-pursued-over-tax-bills-20160427-gogsli.html

I’m not going to bother going into details because the article already does that anyway. What I will do, it give a sort of character reference, if you will.

Jamelie Lahood if scum. If I see her on the street I would spit on her. I cannot say that about anyone else I’ve met. She is nothing but a glorified pimp with poor posture and a hatchet boob job.

In the 2.5 years I worked at Stiletto’s I never once saw her speak to a provider, just the receptionists, except to reprimand and coerce. The exchanges that I recall include the following:

  • During a rather upsetting booking, I ran out of the room wearing only a towel and sat in the stool at the cash office which she was manning. In tears and shaking I said, ‘I can’t do this booking any longer. That man is meanest arsehole I’ve ever met. No one has ever made me feel this low.’ She grimaced and said, ‘Well, you only have 5 minutes left so just put him in the shower then.’ I said, ‘But he won’t do as I ask. Can’t one of the receptionists make him? I can’t spend another minute with him.’ I was hysterical by now. She snapped at me to calm down and that I’d have to do it because the receptionists were too busy. Sure enough, this client went out of his way to take ages to get dressed and showered, treating me to a barrage of degrading insults in the process. By the time I got back downstairs I’d had to work overtime by 30mins. Compensation? Hah! She even had the hide to tell me off for taking so long.
  • I was chosen for a booking 15 minutes before the end of my 10 hour shift. As such, I didn’t want to do it. She yelled at me, ‘Why did you meet then?’ ‘Because I was afraid I’d get into trouble otherwise,’ I responded. ‘Look, I’d be happy to stay for half an hour-‘ ‘But he doesn’t want half an hour, he wants one hour.’ ‘Well, then I can’t do it. I have shit to do tomorrow,’ I said. ‘Fine, then you tell him.’ So I did. He was fine and just booked another girl, no dramas. When I went back up to get paid she told me ‘It’s not up to us to tell a client how long he can stay. In future, if you get booked for an hour, you stay for an hour, otherwise you won’t be able to keep working here.’ That night I learned that I did not, in fact, have bodily autonomy. I also learned that no matter how long I’d worked there, no matter how much loyalty I’d given her, she didn’t care. I was just another cunt with a body attached to it. I was expendable.

I left Stiletto’s after that latter incident and went private.

Providers got fired for seeing clients privately. On paper, they could be fired for engaging i illegal acts: drug consumption, drug selling, providing natural services, inebriation etc. I only ever saw providers fired for seeing clients privately. Every single one of the 20 rooms in the place had cocaine mirrors.

Another known practice was withholding money from providers. We all had to do 10-hour shifts. Exceptions were extremely rare. Most brothels pay their providers per booking after taking their cut. So they’ve been paid upfront for the booking, essentially. Stiletto’s didn’t pay their providers until the end of their shift. If they needed/wanted to leave early, tough titties for her because management wouldn’t be paying her until she was scheduled to leave. If she left when she wanted to, she’d be leaving empty handed. Hmm, making a provider work without paying her? Yep, that’s sex slavery.

On that note, we were forbidden from charging extra for COB and licking balls, as well as charging more than $200 for anal. Again, so much for bodily autonomy. From a business perspective you may say this is good practice. But these are our bodies in the end. What happens in and on them should be left up to us, not management.

Jamelie used to record everything. All bookings. So even if a provider wanted to take them to task, all Stiletto’s would have to do was threaten to hand over everything they’d recorded to the ATO. This is how they got away with it.

At one point, Stiletto’s under Jamelie fancied itself like a sort of MI5 institution. One girl I knew told me she left when management asked her to spy and report back to them what her friends were up to in bookings, their personal lives etc. Her parting words to them were ‘This isn’t the Pentagon. It’s a fucking brothel. You guys need to get over yourselves.’

I also know for a fact that rapes against providers by clients occurred under Jamelie’s watch and management were unhelpful, at best, in one ensuing police investigation. One victim told me that she was drugged and penetrated in every orifice by a regular client. When she told management she was sacked and had the entire contents of her locker handed to her in a garbage bag. Another victim went on to detail her ordeal in a bestselling novel.

Jamelie being chased by authorities for the millions of dollars that she owes does give me quite the justice boner, yes. But considering the full-scale of shit that went on at Stiletto’s under her watch, that she was complicit in, it’s a semi at best. Now if Jamelie were to be prosecuted for violating IR laws, violating prostitution laws and/or sex slavery, well, that would give me a justice boner the like of Ron Jeremy would be jealous of.

NB***: I would like to stress that my only gripe is with Jamelie and the management under her, not Stiletto’s itself.

From what friends who are still working there tell me, conditions are much better under the new management. Unlike past managers, the current manager has no investments in Stiletto’s. She is a salaried employee. Therefore she has no incentive to work the girls hard, coerce them into bookings they don’t want to do and tell them what they can and can’t charge for extras.

And judging from what clients have told me, quality of service has been on the up since Jamelie and Eddy left. Probably because the providers aren’t being treated like shit.

I would happily go back to work for Stiletto’s. It’s just that circumstances don’t permit me at this point in time.

 

 

Why I’ve returned

To those of you who have just stumbled across my blog, welcome and be sure to peruse my backlog of entries as they remain as true to this day as they did when I wrote them.

To those of you who have been following me for the past few years, you’ve probably noticed my tendency to disappear and reappear at short notice and I feel that I ought to explain myself.

Most people work in the sex industry on an on/off basis for numerous reasons. The first one being, because we can. Even in brothels and escort agencies we are essentially sub-contractors or sole operators which means we have no employers to answer to. There’s none of the ‘Two Weeks Notice’ and contract agreements one finds in regular jobs. (That said, there’s also no superannuation or worker’s comp either. Bear that in mind if you find yourself thinking we earn too much.)

Other various reasons that pertain to me include traveling for months at a time, focusing on my studies and becoming burnt out. Burn out is another thing altogether with its own set of factors. When it comes down to it, I don’t believe that anyone with any insight or empathy would suggest that us hookers have an easy job, at least not in the long term. However it’s not the job itself that’s difficult. I like sex and conversation and the job enables me to get those two things on my own terms. And thanks to the legalisation of prostitution I can rely on the police to aid me if need be (which I have done before when I’ve been faced with stalker issues.)

The hardest part of the job for me is the stigma and the secrecy that comes along with it. It requires me to lie and keep secrets- two things I’m not good at. The longer I work the more these lies build up and weigh on my conscience. Sooner or later the weight becomes too much to bear leaving me no other option but to take a break.

Over the five years I’ve been in the industry these breaks have ranged from 2 weeks to 9 months.

The reason I am able to take long breaks is because escorting isn’t a career to me. I just escort because I can, because it makes sense for me to make the most of my looks and freedom while I can. At this stage, I don’t depend on it for my livelihood and my priorities lie elsewhere.

Of course I should reiterate that this does not affect my level of service, but it definitely affects my availability. I moved to Perth 2 years ago with the specific purpose of starting my escort business and I adjusted my lifestyle to suit. I was in a position where I was working from home and studying from home- I had no reason to leave my house except for grocery shopping and the gym. Thus I was able to offer much greater flexibility than I can now, with full-time studies and part-time work on my plate.

At this stage I’m not exactly back to square one, but I am starting out again still in some way. I’m playing it by ear at this stage but if the worst come to worst, I might have to go and work in a brothel where I can clock in, work 8 hours, then clock off. I’ll be sure to let everyone know if that happens.

 

Escorts as Therapy?

Anyone with some insight into the sex industry will agree that sex workers provide more than sexual gratification. Of course, sexual gratification is the desired end goal for most clients. But sex workers must provide the means for the client to get to this end.

Many critics of the industry will argue that our work is meaningless and hardly laborious, for all we do is lie on out back and part our legs. But if this were the case then clients wouldn’t go out of their way to search for the right provider for them. Why, they could simply go to any shady brothel, pay $100 or so, blow their load and go. There is nothing wrong with this (unless the brothel is illegal and associated with human trafficking or pimping rings). A man’s gotta eat, and who am I to judge how he cooks?

Most men I’ve met would be horrified by the prospect of picking the cheapest available body in which to deposit their load.

The way I see it, the features of my service are like steps leading to the platform of sexual gratification. These features include my intelligence, worldliness, kindness, hospitality, beauty, health and (so I am often told) my dimpled smile. My clients’ gratification is enhanced by these features.

It has often been suggested to me (often by therapists) that as a sex provider I provide a type of therapy. Sexual gratification can only account for so much of the service, especially when I provide a one hour minimum, for what man can last for that amount of time. What woman as well, for that matter?

By the time a client has been satisfied, all guards are down. Sex has this amazing effect of obliterating all hang-ups and worries. It’s probably what I love most about sex. Furthermore, by this time, we have exchanged small talk, we have both seen each other at our most vulnerable, physically (nudity has that effect). As well, the client has been in his most vulnerable, most unguarded state and been able to indulge in his desires without feeling any judgement nor any shame (at least not from me). As I mention in my ad, I endevour to provide a safe environment for my clients to realise their desires.

I think it means a lot to them too that after the sex I am still there for them. I’m not repulsed by them (nor should I be but hey I see a lot of self-esteem issues in this line of work), I can still be aroused by them and I’m happy to continue looking after them.

Once all of this sinks in, the client completely lets his guard down and allows him or herself to be taken care of. I also think it helps knowing that whatever happens in my room stays in my room not just out of professional courtesy but also because the stigma of this profession leaves me few people to blab to. Oftentimes, the floodgates open and I find myself cradling the heads of men three times my age at my breast while they rattle off all of their troubles, knowing that they have my absolute discretion.

Is it therapy? I believe so. The situation I just described, two naked individuals in a secret tryst having just shared a very intimate act, one cradling the other, is miles apart from sitting in an office chair opposite a psychiatrist in smart clothing and a clipboard on their lap. In these situations it can take weeks for the client to finally open up and share their issues. Being naked in a room shut off from the world and engaging in intimate acts does much to accelerate this process.

For a lot of people, it is simply a matter of being able to get it all off of their chests and not be judged for it. We’ve all experienced that cathartic feeling when we unload to a trusted and friend and, expecting to be admonished, are instead met with sympathy and understanding. It goes a long way in validating our feelings.

But, alas, this is as far as my therapy goes, as far as I am willing for it to go. No matter how much I care about a client or how well I know them, it is simply not my place to be giving out advice. I have neither the mental strength nor the qualifications. Emotional distance is what makes a good therapist, it’s what enables them to remain in the profession for decades at a time. Alas, the nudity, the intimacy, it renders us sex providers just as vulnerable as the clients for much of the time. Between the doctor and the patient there is a clear balance of power tipped firmly towards the doctor. Intimacy and nudity shakes these scales and tips them further towards the middle every now and then.

This is why many will talk about ‘switching off’ while they’re at work, but I wouldn’t have the loyal client base that I have if I were to switch off. How could I provide a real experience otherwise? For this reason I draw my line in the sand and refuse to dispense advice. To dispense advice, for me, means to become emotionally invested in the client. There’s only so much I have the strength to give. If I was to become invested in my clients in such a way I wouldn’t last.

I suppose the moral of this story is, we have our boundaries for a reason. Perhaps bear this in mind next time you find yourself wondering why we operate under pseudonyms and remain so guarded about our personal lives. I am forever grateful that I rarely ever need to outline these boundaries.

My comment to “Because I’m a Whore” Regarding Punter Forums

Before I repost my comment, I just want to reiterate that I have no beef with the website I’m speaking of in particular (punterplanet.com). I advertise on there, many of my clients are members and the moderator has gone out of his way to help me on one occasion. My beef is with the misogynist users, whether they make up the majority of that website, I don’t know.

I would also like to reiterate that I don’t actually mind review sites for working ladies. I see it in purely economic terms, I provide a service in exchange for money. I’ve written before about my outrage that SWs are not treated as legitimate service providers like gardeners, doctors, dentists, hairdressers etc. Customers/clients can review these respective services online (Yelp, Truelocal, Tripadvisor etc.) So why should it be any different for us?

Clients have told me how they’ve had less than average service, or more commonly how they show up to the booking and the SW looks nothing like her photos. I admit, in this instance I have advised clients to publish bad reviews about these SWs and I am not ashamed of that. I am bothered about these sorts of experiences on my own behalf, not the clients. I work my arse off running my business, being hospitable, keeping myself in shape, dressing meticulously and ensuring that the client and I are on the same page. I reap the benefits of my hard work through repeat business as well as the occasional review. I pride myself on my high standards and thus do not think it acceptable for SWs to deceive clients in to doing business with them.

Would-be clients are often scared of booking another lady for fear they may get the same sub-standard service. I have seen many clients who have been in this situation. I ask them if they have done this before and they say ‘Yes but once a long time ago.’ I ask why it has been so long and often the response is that it wasn’t the best experience for them, usually because they found it too clinical and formulaic. These clients have come to me on what they thought was a ‘one-off’ but then come to see me on a regular basis. I suppose that is the essence of my outrage: clients walk away from poor service providers thinking that paying sex workers just isn’t for them when it’s not that at all, they just received a bad service.

Therefore I think it’s great that there’s a system in place in which clients don’t have to hope for the best. At the same time, such are the attitudes of many punterplanet users towards women in general (let a lone sex workers) that I wouldn’t trust any reviews they posted. But not every would-be punter has the same insight as me. Many reviews I have read have left me uneasy in their graphic detail- even if they were positive.

And as ‘Because I’m a Whore’ author pointed out, we are not products, we are human beings first and foremost. Which means we are emotional, moody and just human. For those of us who like what we do, all it takes it respect and manners and you’ll be in our good books, no problem. If you behave otherwise with me, the barriers between us start to form. Each barrier makes me more detached, more cold and more clinical. This has only happened once to me (Please see my post titled ‘The Breakup’).

Me personally, I dislike people who talk about money, my money in particular. I prefer to volunteer personal information rather than be demanded of it. I like a person who shows respect to me and my house. That means having decent hygiene, not making a mess of my place (E.g. One guy emptied his dirty pockets onto my living room floor. Another lit up a post-coital cigarette without asking), and treating me like a human being. I know I’m not demanding too much, if not because of the way I was raised than because of the 95% of clients who are able to behave appropriately without any effort.

For those who aren’t able, well, they’ll get an average service from me. My heart won’t be in it and I’ll be resentful of them. So while I’m in favour of online forums, I dislike that SWs aren’t able to contribute to any review forums, even if it’s about them. Only clients are able to. Essentially we are unable to present our side of the story. So this system is not at all balanced. There are two sides to every story, especially in an industry in which the customer isn’t always right. Furthermore, this is perhaps the one industry in which the customer doesn’t call the shots, we do. Most clients accept and respect this. The ones who don’t receive bad service, even from the best of us. They also tend to write negative reviews on punterplanet or elsewhere.

Anyhoo, here’s the comment I wrote: “I don’t have any bad reviews…yet. But I’ve stopped going on to PunterPlanet as frequently as I did when I first started out in the private world. In short it depresses me.

Recently the SW gossip twitterverse has been occupied by an alleged assault against a sex worker by an associate of another well-known sex worker. Out of curiosity I looked up the alleged victim’s name on PP and the reviews about her were disparaging and graphic: pointing out the eczema on her hands, describing her as ‘doughy’ and going into detail about the smell. All the respondents were disgusted on his behalf and none of them pointed out that he was still willing to have sex with her. The forum and chat explicitly state that any gossip or disparaging remarks about other users will not be tolerated. It seems that that rule only applies to the working ladies.

A friend of mine had a Perth client who dangled the prospect of a review over her head in exchange for paying only $300 per hour, less than half her advertised rate, telling her that ‘If you were smart you’d do it because it will help her business.’ This guy also wanted her to do an outcall on his boat for free, but she would have the pleasure of being on his boat so that’s fair, right?

I was trolled on a PP forum about natural oral. I don’t do it, no judgement on those SWs who do, I just don’t want to take that risk. I went in to detail about the risks involved as well. One reply that stands out in memory is ‘If you’re so risk-averse, why are you in this industry to begin with?’ To me, that’s like asking a construction worker why he wears a hard hat. That plus other responses just reeked of entitlement. I got the impression that all of them were thinking, ‘How dare you charge for sex and refuse to provide natural oral.’ I talked to one of the moderators about the author of the above comment and his response was along the lines of, yes other ladies have complained about him but he actually books ladies so…

I still search my name from time to time out of curiosity and so that I can thank those who do review me. I think one of the reasons that I haven’t had any bad reviews yet is because I insist on clients calling me to make bookings which gives me a chance to get to know them, albeit very briefly. I simply hang up on callers who give me a bad feeling, making lame excuses is too much effort. But then again, never say never, right?

I’m also lucky to be based in Perth, PP isn’t as big here as it is over east, it seems. Most clients just find me via Private Girls. Then again, when I have toured east and contacted PP users who follow me on twitter or emailed to ask me to keep them updated, they were coincidentally too busy that week to see me. I did give notice but it’s too strange a coincidence that they were all too busy. To this day a lot of them still favourite and retweet my tweets and respond to PP reviews about me.

That whole ‘community’ is strange and it’s a shame that there a too many bad eggs out there that are able to make me forget for a minute all the clients I do see, often repeatedly, who treat me with the utmost respect and who, even after paying me, are grateful for my time and effort.”

the who’s who of punter forums

This girl speaks truth!

because i'm a whore

Once upon time about back when local hookers were just beginning to utilise the internet for business, i met a Annie. She was a tech savvy sex worker with an established online identity who introduced me to a whole new world. She showed me around sex industry forums, review sites and advertising options. It was all new to me and i spent hours reading the various posts and reviews engrossed in this ‘client community’. It felt like i was gaining some kind of inside knowledge about the industry, the workers and our clients. As i read the candid comments by the anonymous ‘punters’ as they refer to themselves, I felt like i was getting a true sense of what clients think, a real insight, a glimpse of our industry from their perspective. I was excited to see if anyone had reviewed me, so i searched my name, but i didnt find any mention. I began to…

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“But you’re selling your body.”

This statement has been tossed around so often and for so long it has lost all its meaning. I’m surprised it’s still being tossed around but alas, it still seems to be the knee-jerk argument against any points there are to be made in favour of prostitution.

Everyone sells their bodies for money, that’s the very definition of having a job. I’ve cited this before and I’ll cite it again, Germaine Greer on Q&A pointed out that a waitress has to force her body to do something she doesn’t it to do when she smiles at customers, lest she be sacked for poor customer service. Rarely does waitressing evoke any feelings that may cause one to smile- I know, I was one. It wasn’t that I hated my job but fact is that I would have rather been out with friends than spending my Saturday nights listen to a bunch of yuppies complain about their small wardrobes over seared scallops and red wine (I curse people who drink red wine with seafood).

But what about the risks they expose their bodies to?

Well that’s just clutching at straws, isn’t it? How can this argument be valid for prostitution and the sex industry but not for other industries such as the Army, Police, Fire Brigade, Paramedics, Construction workers, high-rise window washers, social workers, anyone working at St Vincents in Darlinghurst on a Saturday night? They face risks from the people they attend to as well as on-site hazards and yet they’re respected for taking those risks.

It’s detrimental to their mental health. All sex workers have a background of mental instability or become mentally unstable after becoming sex workers.

I could provide a response that is exactly the same as that which I provided above. Through my work I’ve seen former SAS men unable to function properly as human beings, let a lone get a job. If they’re lucky the government will throw some compensation their way and forget about them. Yet joining the SAS is highly sought-after and respected. I counted three bullet wounds on a guy’s chest once.

A family friend hasn’t worked for years after getting PTSD working in the state police.

A friend’s mother got compensation for PTSD after getting attacked while she was working at Centrelink- I actually thought this one was a bit weak but she got the payout.

Again, how is that argument valid for sex workers but not for workers in other industries?

Not all of us have a background of mental instability. And if most of us do, so what? I’d argue that sex work is perfect for a lot of people with these types of problems. Sex work is flexible, high-paying and pays per day, actually most sex workers get paid per client before the booking. We also don’t have bosses screaming at us, customers demanding from us and coworkers depending on us.

If you follow Grace Bellavue on twitter you’ll notice she writes a bit about her bipolar disorder. Last week she wrote about how thankful she was for sex work. Because of its flexibility she can just work her guts out and save while she is lucid so that when the is incapacitated by mania or depression she can at least afford a roof over her head and a fridge full of food. She claimed that if it weren’t for sex work she would probably be on the street.

I, myself, have been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression in the past. There was a time four years ago, before I entered the sex industry, when I could barely hold down a waitressing job. Sometimes I’d have to take impromtu breaks and rush to the bathroom so no one would see my panic attack which mostly consisted of hyperventilation. I drove home from one job with a plastic bag on my lap dry-retching for the whole 30 minute journey. What I remember most from these jobs is the constant shaking. I’d notice it every time I had to use my hands and wonder how long had I been shaking for.

Now that I have it under control after years of CBT I could probably cope with a menial job just fine as long as the boss wasn’t an arsehole- this is rare in unskilled labour (namely hospitality and retail). But it’s not the only reason I choose to remain in this industry. Basically I do it because I can and I want to and I shouldn’t need any other reasons to justify any legal choices I make.

That said, it would be a psychological struggle if I was forced to adjust from having a lucrative job with as much freedom as I wanted to rushing around off my feet for less than $20 an hour while having a rude boss. But that would be difficult for anyone having to take on a job with far less authority and pay than their last one.

Mental instability isn’t isolated to the sex industry. We are living in an age, in a society which which nurtures narcissism and sociopathic behaviour while empathetic people are left on the wayside sometimes scorned as weak and blamed when they are taken advantage of. Every other week there is a news headline about some highschool student killing themselves. Antidepressants are prescribed so often they may as well be over-the-counter. Australia has the second highest rate of male suicide in the world after Japan. Mental illness is everywhere, leave the sex industry alone.

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Let’s just cut the bullshit. We are told that we sell our bodies because we sell sex. Nudity in itself is associated with vulnerability but we go further than that. We let men put themselves into our naked bodies. We are purveyors of an act in which humans are perhaps in their most carnal state, when they completely lose control and become slaves to their desires, when instinct overtakes rational thought. In the afterglow their guard is completely let down. They give and receive affection without a second thought and tell us things they daren’t tell anyone else. I believe that the ‘selling your body’ argument is a smokescreen for all of this.

Indeed, our safety depends on our clients temperament. If he decides to beat me up, rape me or steal from me, how is all 163cm of me going to stop him? That said, I screen my clients and my gut instinct serves me well so the benefits by far outweigh the risks.

So why do people still admonish us for ‘selling our bodies’? Perhaps men resent us for seeing them at their weakest? Perhaps some women need it to justify their promiscuity or the way they are treated by men? Perhaps we still live in a patriarchal society that resents us for reaping the financial rewards taking advantage of mens’ biggest known weakness? Or that resents a strong independent woman making money from something they frequently do for free? Or that resents sexually aware women, women who are so sexually aware that they are able to gain from it? (Just look at how the word ‘slut’ is still bandied about.)

Whatever the reason this argument is still around it doesn’t matter anymore because the ‘selling your body’ argument has been debunked so many times and has had so many holes poked through it that it’ simply no longer credible.

Since becoming a vegan, I’ve noticed that if it makes more sense to do something than not do it, those who believe in not doing it, the losing side, are the most defensive. For instance, the health benefits of a plant-based diet by far outweigh the benefits of an omnivorous one. Yet, tell someone you’re vegan and the response you’ll get will either be ignorant (Where do you get protein? How do you live?), hostile (What’s wrong with you? Why the fuck would you want to do that?) or one of riddicule (This usually involves people moving their face close to mine while they audibly eat meat, sometimes even mooing or oinking).

The same goes for sex work, except for the riddicule which sometimes come in later but usually in the context of friendly banter. Overall it makes more sense to support sex work. Those who are against it are defensive and respond to it with ignorance and hostility, reverting back to the ‘selling your body’ argument in the same way creationists revert back to the Bible when they can’t come up with a better rational counterargument.

Instead of saying ‘You’re selling your body,’ they should really be saying ‘I don’t know what I’m talking about.’ They’re pretty much the same thing.

Keeping appointments

I’d like to think that my niche in this industry is my genuineness. Indeed, I’ve received much feedback complementing me on this from both Working Ladies and punters. The unfortunate thing about this industry is that anyone can join it. I peruse punterplanet.com occasionally and come across many complaints by punters in the forums section. The most popular one seems to be of WLs either running late, cancelling on short notice or not showing up for the booking at all.

In my short career I have done this only once. A man with an accent called me to cancel a booking he had made later that afternoon. I only had one booking that afternoon so I assumed it was his, cancelled it, and took another booking. After that booking I checked my voicemail and it was from my supposed late afternoon booking- turns out I had confused the guy who had cancelled with him because they both had similar accents. I don’t know why this other guy called to cancel when I hadn’t made a booking in the first place, maybe someone with a grudge? Anyhoo I listened to the voicemail of the legit punter who was telling me he was waiting for my confirmation etc.

I felt so guilty. Called him back, left a voicemail apologising profusely and offering a discount if he were to reschedule. I left a follow-up voicemail a few days later. He called me back a few weeks later telling me he had been away on business and made a booking then. I kept my word on the discount and we had a great time.

So that was my one time.

On the other hand, I have lost count of the amount of clients who have stood me up. This irks me not only because it takes me around an hour to prepare for each booking but also because by this time I have given them my address. Luckily I haven’t had any crazy stalkers, yet.

It is such a common factor of this job that many ladies double-book. I don’t do this, knowing my luck I’d have two blokes show up at once. But I do take precautions. For instance, I generally don’t take bookings with less than two hours notice. All the girls on Private Girls will write that they require at least two hours notice to make themselves pretty for you but it’s more to just avoid the mess-around, I reckon. I record every one of my bookings, whether they happen or not, and managed to work out that only 26% of bookings made with less than two hours notice have actually gone ahead.

I also don’t take any bookings after 11pm because at this time men are often fuelled by Dutch Courage.

This also tends to happen to girls on tour. It probably happens just as often to the WL no matter where she is but when punters cancel on a lady who is touring their area, there’s a lot more at stake. Thousands of dollars go into a tour, for instance, my last tour cost me over $5000. This includes airfares, taxis, accommodation and advertising. Touring is a lot of hassle but is compensated by the amount we make most of the time. However there are instances of income being far less than expenditure. I know of one WL who recently toured Perth. When she left she had nine bookings arranged. By the time she left only two of those bookings happened. When I was in Melbourne, half of my bookings cancelled on me. And only half of those who had cancelled had the decency to tell me.

On top of this complete lack of respect for our time, the attitudes of no-shows when I confront them about it is quite disheartening. The worst was this guy who cancelled on me ten minutes before a booking because he lost his ATM card. This made me suspicious because why would he only realise this ten minutes before the booking? Surely he should of been on his way to meet me before then. I told him that was fine and I could accept an internet bank transfer. The texting went as follows:

Him: I need to get back and look for my card!

Me: Look, I’ve gone out of my way to accommodate for you. I accepted your booking even though I require 2 hours notice and cancelled a social engagement. If you are going to cancel on me after confirming the appointment and while you’re still able to pay me for it then I’m going to have to blacklist you. 1 strike and you’re out.

Sorry honey but getting my atm is more important. I didn’t ask you to cancel any engagements (as if you would have done that anyway!) so don’t put that on my account. Blacklisting is your loss babe not mine.

I didn’t respond after that because it was obviously pointless. My first thought was, ‘Right, because why would anyone put their livelihood before their social life.’ But his deflection and obvious ego, what with it being ‘my loss’ after all, shows a broader perception that many in our society have towards my profession; that it is not a legit profession or that it is less legitimate than most other professions. To add insult to injury this guy has since texted me on two occasions asking if I’m available.

I’m not saying that it only happens to me. I’m guilty of standing up doctors, tutors and other providers over the years, mainly because I just forgot. But I always apologise profusely for wasting their time and never argue when they still charge me for the appointment I missed. But I think a lot of the disregard does have to do with the lack of respect many have for sex work. Furthermore it’s not like we can chase them down either or hire debt collectors to go after them because it’s not like there’s any contract they sign or any real evidence to support us.

The best solution for this is to charge a deposit. This has been offered to me by a lot of clients who found me through PunterPlanet so maybe it’s more of an East Coast thing but the idea of a punter paying a deposit here in Perth causes alarm bells to ring. If I’m feeling lazy and don’t feel like working, then I get an enquiry, I just tell them I require a deposit and they move on faster than a bat out of hell.

I suppose it’s just a matter of trust. Because their full name will show up on my statement they’re paranoid that I might use it against them somehow, blackmail them or whatnot. Maybe I wouldn’t follow through on the booking and they’d never get their deposit back. They don’t know me, they don’t know what I’m capable of so fair enough.

But then punters have to remember the power they have compared to us. Sex work is legal but we’re still on the fringes of society, we’re out further than the gays, although not as far as the transgendered. You go to a cop shop and accuse me of theft, you’ll have that money back faster than you can say ‘Written evidence on my bank statement!’ Or you could pursue the less drastic route of writing about it on Punter Planet. It is very easy to damage our reputations online, even with just a tweet. And seeing as WLs not showing up for a booking is the most common complaint on Punter Planet, imagine the support you’d get if you mentioned me not refunding your deposit on top of that. Those forums stay on there for years. I’d be finished. Same would happen if I used whatever minor details I managed to get about you to blackmail.

My business, my livelihood depends on me being professional. My livelihood also depends on me actually getting a paid booking. A lot of the time I turn them down due to a prior booking, only to have that prior booking not show up so that is most likely a missed opportunity.

Bearing all of this in mind, from now on I will be charging a deposit for any booking made while I’m touring as well as for any booking made with less than three hours notice.

Bad Education

Another issue I’ve come up against often times in my profession. I suppose it makes sense, us sex workers are the guinea pigs. Better to try out something you saw in a porno than on some civillian.

But as a young person, who associates and has had sex with young people in both work and real life I can see the effects of porn’s influence. It’s glaringly obvious.

I read somewhere that the average boy views his first porn at aged 11. Don’t know where but I saw my first porn when I was 12 so it makes sense. Given the addictive, perhaps thrilling nature of porn it is unlikely that a boy is going to view porn at 11 and then wait until adulthood to watch it again. So basically there is a whole generation of boys, I’m talking the under 30s age bracket, who has spent their entire adolescence watching porn. It is the main source of choice for sex education.

I’m not forgetting girls here. I experienced the effects of it. When I first started having sex I pulled moves I had seen in porn not because I wanted to impress my partner but because I thought it was normal. So I’d get them to spit on me, spank me as hard as they could and fuck me like a jackhammer.

It’s a similar scenario for boys coming into sexual maturity. I watched a doco on SBS about it once. This 18 year old was sharing his first sexual experience saying things like ‘So I pulled her hair a bit, she didn’t like that. Then I spanked her, she definitely didn’t like that.’ His whole point was that this experience left him confused because after trying out all the porn moves that he had been masturbating to since he was 13 the experience wasn’t enjoyable at all for his partner, so it wasn’t enjoyable for him.

After working for a few months I began to notice this about younger clients. I once was faced with the choice between seeing a young 19 year old hottie with a six-pack or a man in his 60s. I chose the latter. He spent 45 minutes going down on me. When we had sex he let me do the work and came after 5 minutes. The girl who saw the 19 year old told me he had a big dig and spent half an hour fucking the shit out of her. She was now sore and her lower back ached.

When I have come across younger men who knew what they were doing, turns out they were fresh out of long term relationships. Even though they were coupled up at 17 or 18 years old, they were able to learn along the way through trial and error with a loving partner who was also coming into their own. By the time they came out of these relationships, 3, 4 or 5 years later they were more sexually mature and with a better technique than their promiscuous friends because they knew what it was to have intimate sex. They had experienced the joy of pleasing someone else. Their promiscuous friends on the otherhand were still having one-sided sex that they treated like a performance because they hadn’t ever had sex with someone they truly cared about, or were properly in tuned with.

This post isn’t a rant. Quite the opposite. I lament this sorry state of affairs. I think of a 17 year old kid having sex with a girl for the first time and getting really upset that she’s not emitting ridiculous moans and my heart goes out to him. It’s not his fault. Sex education is woefully inadequate. From my experience there exists a sharp generational divide between us Gen-Ys and our baby boomer parents. I remember asking my mother questions about oral sex at twelve and she yelled ‘What is wrong with you? You’re twelve! Why are you thinking about oral sex at all? How do you even know what that is?’ From then on I was a bit too embarassed to ask her anything. My parents walked in on me masturbating once or twice but they are generally pretty good at ignoring or forgetting things when they want to.

When I was doing sex education as a kid I had a teacher who used to blush whenever I asked him what a fellatio was. I only did it to rile him anyway but still, he never seemed comfortable teaching the subject.

When I first started in this industry I didn’t know what a dental dam was, it was 6 months before I learned that you can get gonorrhea and chlamydia in the throat, I only learned last year that gonorrhea can be transmitted through fingering, I had never seen an uncircumcised penis before and that freaked me out a bit.

When clients call me requesting natural oral, or worse, I ask them if they’re aware of the risk. Often when I go into STDs of the throat and their ramifications I often get the response ‘Ohh I didn’t know that’ or ‘Yeah but you allow natural on you.’ I then have to explain to them that there is no direct contact between my vag and their throat when they perform oral on me, unlike when I perform oral on them, with their dick guaranteed to touch my throat, and more, cos I’m pretty good at it. I don’t judge them because they just don’t know, they just don’t realise. And it’s because sex education is abysmal.

In this society that is saturated with sexual imagery and porn is only a click away parents and educators need to get over their discomfort and step up. I’ve resolved that if I have kids I will try to talk about sex with them as often as possible. I want to be approachable. I’ll let their girlfriends/boyfriends sleep over before they turn 18 so they can come to sexual maturity in a safe environment. At this stage it’s been left purely up to the parents to educate their children in sex because the education system remains inadequate.

Health

I always lose track of time between posts. Sometimes I find myself thinking ‘Oh maybe I should write another one…actually I only wrote one recently so I’ll save it for next week.’ Then what do you know? Nearly a month passes. My bad, my bad indeed. And since then another important aspect of this line of work has come up so the other aspect that has been on my mind must remain on the backburner. The one I’m going to blog about today is more important anyway.

Anyone who has ever been to a brothel has experienced ‘The Light.’ That is, a light in the room for the purposes of performing a health check. The pulls his pants down and allows the worker to inspect his shaft, testes and surrounding pubic area before either passing or failing him. It is a very clinical process but most clients respect it as a necessity. Many even appreciate that workers are picky about the type of dick they allow in them. A few have told me they have walked out on bookings because the worker didn’t check them.

In the private escorting world it’s a little more difficult. Many clients see private escorts because they dislike the clinical nature of brothels, not just with health check but also with the regimented clock watching, being rushed out the door in many cases, having sex in a room that still reeks of sex and suchlike. So as a private escort, checking clients is a more difficult matter. They come to me for a more ‘real’, a more authentic GFE, which is hard to do with a clinical health check.

Previously I used to subtly check them after having gotten both of us naked and manipulated us into the ’69-position’ so they wouldn’t notice. But this is not the best way to go about it particularly because they have already showered so existing issues are less visible. Maddison Missina wrote in a blog post on this topic that we aren’t doing ourselves any favours by performing the health check after they have showered.

She wrote that she perform the health check in pretty much the same way they do it in the brothels, dick flopped out in all its glory with a trusty fluroescent torch to explore it with. I was a bit sceptical about this. I thought at the time, of course she can get away with it, she has more reputation than a newbie like me. I can’t afford to be turning off clients at this early stage.

Then last week I had the loveliest client. Things progressed to the bedroom pretty quickly. We spent ages cuddling, then he went down on me until I came. I was about to reciprocate, but when I was about to start giving him head, I noticed little pimple like marks on his pubic bone. I know ingrown hairs in that area are common, but I took issue with these marks because there were more than half a dozen little pimply marks in a really small area.

So you can imagine how awkward I felt when I had to kill the mood and say ‘Babe, I’m really sorry but I don’t like the look of those.’ Poor guy. He was pretty calm about it considering, telling me he just got a check-up and was all clear but that he understood if I don’t want to see him, us being strangers and all.

I took out my iPad and began google imaging syphillis. What he had didn’t look nearly as gross as what google turned up. In fact it didn’t look gross at all but anyway. I then googled ‘herpes’ and the pictures that came up were similar to what he had, a half dozen or so pimply thingies in a really small space in his pubic area.

I felt so guilty having to tell him that I couldn’t have sex with him or anything. He had booked for three hours. I went to give him back his money but he let me keep $200, we had already spent 40 minutes together and gotten to 3rd base, on me anyway. Even so, it was my fault for not checking him until things had progressed to that extent.

I got a text from him a few hours later telling me he had just seen an after hours GP who had told him it was either just acne or molluscum so I was right to turn him down for sex. After a wikipedia search I managed to discern that molluscum is a contagious skin condition, particularly common among children. Harmless but contagious nonetheless.

For the record, my genitals did not come into contact with his, and the condition doesn’t affect the mouth, so I am safe. For good measure I douched myself with Listerine. It’s painful but it puts my mind at ease. My doctor had a heart attack when I told her about doing this from time to time but it’s fairly among other working girls I’ve come across.

Since then, I’ve resolved the perform a health check with a torch at the beginning of the encounter. Not just as I let the client through my door but just before I put him in the shower I will be checking his junk. Doing it discreetly in the 69 position may save the client’s feelings a little but having to deal with the consequences of finding a problem at that stage of the booking, well, I never want to do that again.

Therefore, I will endevour to check every client during each booking. I’ll make an exception for my regulars of course but only if it hasn’t been more than a few weeks between bookings. If he has a problem with it then, it’s not really my loss if he never sees me again because of it. My ideal client is one that respects both mine and his health, and one who has enough sense to not take it personally.

Sexism

Well in my last two posts I sang the praises of the men I come across but I’d have to be brain-damaged to think that sexism doesn’t exist. Maybe another reason I don’t get too worked up on feminism is because I’m somewhat sheltered from sexism. One month after I turned 18 I got a boyfriend who I was with for 2 years. One month after breaking up with him I started working in the sex industry. So I spent the first years of adulthood being coupled up and thus never really went out too much and if I did he was always by my side so I was protected from and lecherous males.

Then when I was free, spent a month dating trying to get a sugardaddy, felt dirty about the whole thing and became a whore. Sounds ironic but what’s better, being with a guy twice your age for his money? If you don’t work you become beholden to this guy and olny ever get money from him on his terms. Alternatively, you can have your independence, earn money on your terms and only have to spend hours at a time with a guy, and you get paid more. There’s more integrity in being a whore than a trophy wife.

Anyhoo, once I was in the industry I was mostly interacting with men who had money, so most were older, more distinguished and the ones with a lot of money respected me as a businesswoman, and so didn’t fuck around. Yeah, there were real arseholes, just utter scum but they are generally an exception to the rule, especially in the world of private escorting.

Also I work from home and study online. I’m an introvert by nature and not a big drinker. Overall, I don’t get out much. So really, my experiences with sexism are quite minimal compared to the average woman.

Then again, I will never travel in Europe in summer again. And if I do ever travel again I will avoid hostels and bars. I got so much sexual harassment, cat-calling on the street, propositions from fellow backpackers and being ogled all the time, I mean all the time. ‘Oh but what do you expect? You’re a pretty girl, take it as a complement.’ To that all too common retort, I say fuck you. I deserve to walk on the street without feeling uncomfortable and objectified. The reason I was so distressed by it was because it was relentless. What’s worse, when I finally got the guts to call men out on it I’d get, ‘What are you talking about? I wasn’t doing shit, you’re crazy!’ If I rejected their advances I was either frigid or a lesbian.

There’s something about backpacking and traveling that makes everyone feel more liberated. Young people traveling tend to be more promiscuous, this is true. But because of this there are some boys out there who take it for granted that every female backpacker is up for it. I recommend youtubing ‘What Happens in Kavos’ for anyone who wants to see a really good example of this at play.

When I last went clubbing it was to World Bar in King’s Cross. Hadn’t been there since I started working years ago. Slowly made my way to the bar, which took about 10 minutes because there were hundreds of people cramped into a small space. Once I finally got to the bar I had lost count of the amount of hands that had held my arse. I recalled when I used to go there at 18 or 19 and me and my friends would compare how many gropes we got, sigh and say, ‘Well that’s the Cross for you,’ and continue chugging our teapot cocktails. Two years later and it was still the same and I felt really dismayed, not just because it’s still happening but because me and my fellow teenager friends used to just chalk it up as a given. Seriously how fucked up is it for a guy to see a girl, like the way she looks and just grab her arse, knowing she won’t know it was you? How entitled does a guy have to be to think he can do that?

The most common sexism I experienced was at uni. Usually boys at university age think with their dicks. So for a lot of them, women are either sex objects (you know, he’d have a female friend but hold out for the hope of fucking her on a drunken night out) or family members. There’s no inbetween, read: platonic friendship. The only chance I had of being socially included a lot of the time was to be a sex object, which you’d think would be easy, I am a pretty girl. But I was really surprised that boys still seemed to dislike me. Then my friend, Candace (even she could see it for what it was) told me ‘Yes, you’re pretty but you’re super smart and you aren’t good at trivial small talk. If a guy tells you he does psychology he doesn’t expect you to start talking about why the oedipal theory is true. He expect you to talk about how much you like to get drunk and talk in hastags. Guys are intimidated by you.’

My best friend is a bit younger than me and I met him at uni. When I asked him he said ‘Oh you’re very intimidating’ very matter of factly but if he’s still my friend after going this long without so much as going to first base with me then he must be able to see past it.

Yeah I’m opinionated and brutally honest and smart. That doesn’t compute for immature men, especially because I’m good looking. So they condescend and patronise me, to stop me from threatening their egos. A girl like me is supposed to be a bimbo after all, not smarter than them.

So yes, it is an elaborate form of sexism but the condescension I get from being young, good-looking, opinionated and smart is the most common form of sexism I experience. And it’s the reason I hate uni.

So when it comes down to it, I avoid hostels, nightclubs and uni students because of sexism. I used to just dismiss it with ‘Ah well, people are arseholes. Best to avoid it.’ But I really shouldn’t have to avoid places, especially the first two, from fear of sexual discrimination. Uni students I can understand, it’s more of an age thing because they’re mostly emotionally immature and insecure youngsters.

This post was inspired by this article http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-culture/this-is-what-happens-when-you-call-out-sexism-20140408-36af2.html by the woman who started the website Everyday Sexism. Sexism isn’t something I really thought about it, mostly due to my aforementioned circumstances. But going over the places I avoid and the experiences I’ve had made me realise just how ingrained and ignored sexism is, how little we take a step back and say ‘Actually, that guy staring at me the whole time at the gym like a serial killer is really fucked up. I don’t deserve to feel this uncomfortable and put up with it.’ Then when we do call such men out on it they deny it and call us ‘crazy.’ By standing up for ourselves we become the villains. Society seems to have an aversion to anyone disturbing the peace and rocking the boat. So the blame goes towards the person who stood up for themselves, rather than the person who was just quietly doing the wrong thing, or just having a laugh.

It won’t stop me though. Although usually I react with less indignant outrage and more eye-rolling sarcasm. The standard ‘*sigh* You wanna take a picture, buddy?’ seems to work. Also if I catch people staring I give them my ‘Gollum’ stare. Usually they’re uncomfortable enough to look away but if not I’ll go cross-eyed and say ‘You still want to look at me if I look like this?’ I haven’t had to before but if that doesn’t work I’d keep repeating the question but I make the faces I’d pull progressively ugly and my voice progressively retarded each time. If that still didn’t work I’d maintain the face and voice but start saying things like ‘I like pillows herr derr.’ If I got other people’s attention I’d go back to my usual face and voice and explain ‘Oh, this guy keeps staring at me so I’m making faces at him.’

Unfortunately reacting in an angry way, which a lot of us can’t help because it is the reaction sexism provokes, puts us in the wrong so all I can do is make a joke out of it. That’s still a bit sad.