I’ve been wanting to write something about this article about Samantha X for a while (http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/manis-matching-lingerie-drug-use-samantha-xs-7-lessons-for-escorts-in-training-20160525-gp3e00.html) but thought it best to wait until the furor died down. After all, this article pissed off a lot of people and for good reason. To illustrate, I shall dissect the relevant extracts:
After working as a Sydney escort for the last five years, Samantha X, real name Amanda Goff, has started giving lessons in etiquette, grooming and personal security to prospective sex workers.
I actually worked with Samantha X until the rape. When she told management she was sacked. It was horrific. It was one of the factors that motivated my decision to leave brothel work and start working privately. Similar things happened to me, but that’s just Stiletto’s under Jamelie Lahoud for you.
That aside, Samantha first appeared within the walls of Stiletto’s in early 2013, three and a half years ago. Therefore I am skeptical as to whether she is as experienced as she says she is.
She handpicked 12 new female recruits recently from what she said were “hundreds of applicants around Australia”, including, she said, a doctor, a lawyer and a woman from the Australian Tax Office, and coached them.
Why are people still so shocked that sex work can appeal to normal people? ‘Ooh, a doctor wants to be an escort? How ludicrous!’ Grab me a fucking bucket!
Her main warning to those starting out: “Once you start, you are hooked. Once you realise it is lucrative, it is a very difficult industry to leave.
“That’s why I don’t like young girls doing it.”
I’m on the fence about this one. I don’t think it’s right to judge people for making a decision that’s neither illegal nor harmful for anyone else. That said, I am glad that I had the experience of having a boyfriend for 2 years before taking up sex work at 20 years old. Even though most of that relationship was regrettable it felt like a normal rite of passage. Also, there are a few incidents early on at the brothel that I only realise retrospectively were sexual assault. And my naivete allowed Stiletto’s to take advantage. But I wonder if I wouldn’t be so self-assured if it weren’t for those experiences. Every life lesson I’ve had, I’ve had to learn the hard way. I’m too stubborn to take anyone’s word for anything.
Here are the seven lessons she gives her student escorts:
1. Grooming: “If men are paying top dollar, you need to look the part,” she says.
Matching lingerie is a must. So are manicures, but strictly only in the following colours: nude, coral or a French tip.
“Nails are really important, men notice these things. They don’t understand black nail polish and no brights, like pink or neons – keep it simple. But on toes you can experiment with red or whatever,” she said.
Hah! I took a last minute booking just this past Monday night. It was my first booking in 10 days. Neither my toe nor finger nails were painted. When I pointed this out to my client, by way of explanation as to why we generally ask for 24 hours notice, he stated ‘I didn’t even notice.’
For the record, I haven’t gotten a professional manicure in nearly two years. I’m too stingy and I don’t like how hard your professionals are on my delicate nails.
Coloured lingerie is strictly out, think only black or white, and don’t even consider putting together any old black bra and black underwear – “they need to be a matching set.”
Yeahhh nah, not true. Not true at all. I mean, don’t wear fluoro lingerie but as long as it’s sexy it doesn’t really matter. I’ve encountered mostly negative feedback whenever I’ve worn white lingerie. It doesn’t go as well with a pasty skin tone like mine and I think it makes me look a bit too innocent.
I’ve gotten requests for ordinary cotton underwear before, in conjunction with denim shorts and a white singlet top- some men prefer the girl-next-door look. I’ve also gotten requests for yoga pants. The more I examine this article the more I realise that Samantha X is kind of tarring us with the same brush.
Fake tan is an absolute no. “It stinks, stains sheets, and never can you really get it perfect,” Goff explained. “If you’re pale, learn to love it.”
Men like a woman who is confident. If fake tan helps the escort feel better about herself then bully for him. And who cares about the mess? It’s only you or the hotel maids washing the sheets.
“Invest in a good pair of shoes, good lingerie, one nice dress, one nice trouser suit, one high-waisted skirt, a white shirt and you’ll be set,” she said. “The look I get asked for the most, because I always ask clients how they would like me to dress, is corporate.
That’s fair. But it’s not an aesthetic choice, clients prefer it because it’s inconspicuous.
“Hygiene goes without saying.”
I’ve gotten the odd request to not wear deodorant, go to the gym then not shower before the booking. It makes sense, sweat has pheromones.
2. Compassion: Goff said prospective escorts will meet many different kinds of clients, including those they won’t be attracted to. “You really need to have an open mind. You can’t judge people on the way they look, you judge them on the way they behave.”
Fair.
3. Listening: “It’s not like Tinder. You are there for him and you have to ask questions and seem interested,” she explained. “They want to talk about their cars or their marriages or their kids or their cancer, whatever, you have to be able to listen.
For most clients, seeing sex workers is a form of escapism, a means for them to forget about their lives for a period of time, similar to watching a movie of doing drugs. Therefore it’s more likely that a client will want to talk about me than himself. Then again, that’s just my experience.
“There is nothing worse than appearing distracted because it’s rude and the client will pick up on that.”
Fair.
4. Well read: “Know what is happening in the world,” she said. “Know a bit about the American election.
“You are often meeting with men who are CEOs, chairmen, top of the industry … They don’t want to talk about reality TV. You need to know how to keep a conversation going at a high level.”
This is fair, but only to an extent. This statement assumes that most clients are well-read themselves, and that the ones who are are narrow-minded and pretentious. I know of well-read clients who see sex workers for the secondary purpose of interacting with people who are different, with different tastes and different world views. Some may appreciate conversations about reality TV because it’s different or it helps them to be a bit more ‘down with the kids,’ perhaps. I’ve had clients thank me for telling them what the various computer game acronyms (e.g. ‘LOL’= ‘League of Legends’, ‘WOW’ = ‘World of Warcraft’, etc.) stand for because it has gained them some respect from their kids, emphasis on some.
5. Discretion: “An escort never talks about names. It is really unclassy,” she said.
Hey, if I think the individual is a scourge on the industry I’ll happily talk shit about her to discourage clients from seeing her.
6. Alcohol and drugs: “You’ll be exposed to more alcohol and occasionally drugs, just like real life,” she said, but getting drunk or high on the job is unacceptable as you must always have “your wits about you”.
“Always monitor your drinking. Three dates a week could equal three bottles of champagne a week, and it’s not a good look to be drunk with a client.
I’m teetotal these days but hell yeah I got drunk on clients. After all, in this great nation of Australia, a person’s character is measured by his or her capacity for alcohol!
“If you lose control, you lose your boundaries.”
Alright, maybe I’m wrong on this one.
7. Protection: Goff enlists a security personnel to train her students in self defence. “It is really important,” she said.
Knowledge is also power and she recommends finding out as much as possible about the client before meeting.
“Who he is? What he does for work? How old he is? What experience is he looking for? The more you know about the client the safer you will be,” she explained.
I require deposits for this reason.
“Never be complacent and you should always trust your gut feeling. If it doesn’t feel right, get out.”
There was a time when I didn’t charge deposits. The fact that I do now is probably the main reason why I’m not as busy as I was in Perth. (Many prospective clients seem to think we’re all out to blackmail them for some reason.) So I relied on my gut and there’s a lot to be said for it. Not once have I felt unsafe since I started working privately, even when I was working from my own place. Yes, I have been sexually assaulted more than once in my life but never in my capacity as a private worker.
The key is to not be desperate for money, as this clouds your judgement.
It’s pretty easy to tell when a client is sincere. For instance a text message reading ‘Hi Lyla, gorgeous profile. I was wondering if I could see you for an hour this Saturday night’ sounds way more legit than ‘Hi, u do couples?’ or ‘Hi babe u free?’ Then again, Ted Bundy was said to be quite charming…
Goff, a mother-of-two, who grew up in London where she attended an “elite private school”, said she has “no regrets” about revealing her identity as a sex worker in 2014 when she appeared on Channel 7’s Sunday Night to promote her book.
Again with the emphasis on her privileged background *bangs head on desk.* Here’s a newsflash, not all private school kids have rich parents. In fact a lot have parents who made sacrifices for their children’s education. Even if your parents are rich, most of them aren’t just giving money to their kids willy nilly. The vast majority of people in this world actually have to earn their own money.
And also, when you think about it, it makes perfectly good sense that most private escorts come from middle class backgrounds if you ever read ‘Superfreakonomics’ by Dubner and Levitt. Basically these guys blame 1970s feminism. Most of the women doing sex work until then had no choice. If you had no man to depend on, if you were divorced or a single parent, you had little choice. Then in comes the 2nd Wave and now women had more choice. All these women who were forced by circumstance into sex work had other options; being a divorcee and/or a single mother, or an unwed mother, was no longer as taboo. This left a void in the industry. The women who had the capacity to fill that void were no longer made desperate by circumstance, therefore they could demand more. And that’s how middle-class hookers are made!
Goff is currently single as she has yet to find her Mr Right, and has recently written about the possibility of becoming a lesbian.
I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one and assume she was taken out of context. No way would she talk about homosexuality like it’s a choice in this day and age.
Right, so I’ve said all I want to say about that specific article. Having known Amanda in a professional capacity for a brief amount of time years ago I can vouch for her character. She was always kind for as long as I knew her.
lylatournay12 