Anyone with some insight into the sex industry will agree that sex workers provide more than sexual gratification. Of course, sexual gratification is the desired end goal for most clients. But sex workers must provide the means for the client to get to this end.
Many critics of the industry will argue that our work is meaningless and hardly laborious, for all we do is lie on out back and part our legs. But if this were the case then clients wouldn’t go out of their way to search for the right provider for them. Why, they could simply go to any shady brothel, pay $100 or so, blow their load and go. There is nothing wrong with this (unless the brothel is illegal and associated with human trafficking or pimping rings). A man’s gotta eat, and who am I to judge how he cooks?
Most men I’ve met would be horrified by the prospect of picking the cheapest available body in which to deposit their load.
The way I see it, the features of my service are like steps leading to the platform of sexual gratification. These features include my intelligence, worldliness, kindness, hospitality, beauty, health and (so I am often told) my dimpled smile. My clients’ gratification is enhanced by these features.
It has often been suggested to me (often by therapists) that as a sex provider I provide a type of therapy. Sexual gratification can only account for so much of the service, especially when I provide a one hour minimum, for what man can last for that amount of time. What woman as well, for that matter?
By the time a client has been satisfied, all guards are down. Sex has this amazing effect of obliterating all hang-ups and worries. It’s probably what I love most about sex. Furthermore, by this time, we have exchanged small talk, we have both seen each other at our most vulnerable, physically (nudity has that effect). As well, the client has been in his most vulnerable, most unguarded state and been able to indulge in his desires without feeling any judgement nor any shame (at least not from me). As I mention in my ad, I endevour to provide a safe environment for my clients to realise their desires.
I think it means a lot to them too that after the sex I am still there for them. I’m not repulsed by them (nor should I be but hey I see a lot of self-esteem issues in this line of work), I can still be aroused by them and I’m happy to continue looking after them.
Once all of this sinks in, the client completely lets his guard down and allows him or herself to be taken care of. I also think it helps knowing that whatever happens in my room stays in my room not just out of professional courtesy but also because the stigma of this profession leaves me few people to blab to. Oftentimes, the floodgates open and I find myself cradling the heads of men three times my age at my breast while they rattle off all of their troubles, knowing that they have my absolute discretion.
Is it therapy? I believe so. The situation I just described, two naked individuals in a secret tryst having just shared a very intimate act, one cradling the other, is miles apart from sitting in an office chair opposite a psychiatrist in smart clothing and a clipboard on their lap. In these situations it can take weeks for the client to finally open up and share their issues. Being naked in a room shut off from the world and engaging in intimate acts does much to accelerate this process.
For a lot of people, it is simply a matter of being able to get it all off of their chests and not be judged for it. We’ve all experienced that cathartic feeling when we unload to a trusted and friend and, expecting to be admonished, are instead met with sympathy and understanding. It goes a long way in validating our feelings.
But, alas, this is as far as my therapy goes, as far as I am willing for it to go. No matter how much I care about a client or how well I know them, it is simply not my place to be giving out advice. I have neither the mental strength nor the qualifications. Emotional distance is what makes a good therapist, it’s what enables them to remain in the profession for decades at a time. Alas, the nudity, the intimacy, it renders us sex providers just as vulnerable as the clients for much of the time. Between the doctor and the patient there is a clear balance of power tipped firmly towards the doctor. Intimacy and nudity shakes these scales and tips them further towards the middle every now and then.
This is why many will talk about ‘switching off’ while they’re at work, but I wouldn’t have the loyal client base that I have if I were to switch off. How could I provide a real experience otherwise? For this reason I draw my line in the sand and refuse to dispense advice. To dispense advice, for me, means to become emotionally invested in the client. There’s only so much I have the strength to give. If I was to become invested in my clients in such a way I wouldn’t last.
I suppose the moral of this story is, we have our boundaries for a reason. Perhaps bear this in mind next time you find yourself wondering why we operate under pseudonyms and remain so guarded about our personal lives. I am forever grateful that I rarely ever need to outline these boundaries.
lylatournay12 